Avoiding Someone For Peace of Mind Versus Hatred

I send you out as sheep among wolves. 

So, be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.

 - Matthew 10.16 

I read somewhere on FB that as you age you learn to value zero contact with insufferable folks to keep your peace. Well, I've learned that from adolescence. I value peace and quiet and alone moments, trying to balance that with limited contacts from people who let me alone with my preferences as I let them with theirs. De gustibus non disputandum est. Walang basagan ng trip. But I also sometimes balance that with tolerating the company of smart Alecks. 

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Avoiding toxic individuals or those whose character you strongly oppose is a practice many adopt for the sake of their peace of mind and emotional well-being. However, the reasons behind this avoidance shape the nature of the action and its consequences. On one hand, avoiding such people to maintain inner peace and prevent unnecessary conflict is a strategic and self-preserving choice. On the other, avoiding them out of sheer hatred fosters negativity and may affect one's personal growth and emotional stability. 

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Avoidance for Peace and Well-Being

Distancing oneself from individuals whose behaviors or values are toxic is self-care. You're smart enough to see that certain interactions drain energy, trigger anxiety, or disrupt emotional balance. Individuals who consistently engage in manipulative, aggressive, or dishonest behavior can create an environment that is mentally exhausting. By stepping away from such interactions, you safeguard your emotional and psychological health.

Avoiding confrontation is also a practical reason for disengagement. Some individuals are prone to unnecessary arguments or thrive on conflict, making it difficult to have constructive conversations. They enjoy proving to all that they're smarter than anyone and they use you for this. Rather than engaging in repeated disputes that yield no resolution, steering clear of such exchanges allows for a more tranquil life. In this case, avoidance is a form of emotional maturity, recognizing that not all battles need to be fought.

This kind of avoidance does not necessarily involve resentment or hostility toward the person in question. It often stems from an understanding that differences in character or values can make relationships unworkable. There may even be a sense of neutrality or a lack of judgment, as the focus is more on self-preservation than punishment or disdain.

Avoidance Due to Hatred

On the other side of the spectrum is avoiding people out of hate. While hatred is a strong emotion that can feel justified in certain situations—especially when someone has caused harm—the act of avoiding them because of this sentiment has deeper psychological implications. Holding onto hate fosters resentment, which can negatively impact emotional well-being. Rather than offering peace of mind, it often keeps the negative emotions active, replaying thoughts of anger and indignation.

Moreover, hatred itself can be corrosive, affecting your ability to cultivate empathy, understanding, and growth. When avoidance is driven by hatred rather than the need for inner peace, it may signal an unresolved emotional burden rather than a thoughtful boundary. In some cases, such avoidance can also be reactionary rather than intentional, stemming from emotions that have not been fully processed.

The Key Difference

The fundamental distinction between the two forms of avoidance lies in intent and effect. Avoiding toxic people for peace is a self-protective measure aimed at fostering a healthier emotional state. It is rooted in a desire to improve well-being and maintain a positive outlook on life. On the other hand, avoiding people due to hatred is emotionally charged and often keeps negativity alive, preventing emotional growth. 

Ultimately, distancing oneself from unhealthy interactions is beneficial, but it is most effective when done with clarity and self-awareness rather than being driven by destructive emotions.

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Assessing People's Gestures and Reactions

Nonjoiners don't mind about what people think of them, but they are keen observers. They very seldom join people but they study them to make sure their paths don't meet or sometimes see where they can help in any way possible. Observing body language effectively requires a combination of focus, patience, and understanding of common nonverbal cues. Here are some key techniques to help you become more perceptive:

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1. Establish a Baseline

Before interpreting someone's body language, observe how they naturally behave in a neutral setting. Everyone has unique mannerisms, so it's essential to recognize their normal patterns before assuming a change in body language signals something significant.

2. Watch for Microexpressions

Microexpressions are fleeting facial expressions that reveal true emotions before someone consciously masks them. These subtle reactions—such as a quick flash of anger, sadness, or surprise—can provide insight into a person's authentic feelings, even when they are trying to conceal them.

3. Observe Hand Gestures

Hands often reveal a person’s level of comfort or engagement. Open palms suggest honesty and receptiveness, while clenched fists or fidgeting hands may indicate stress or frustration. Frequent touching of the face or rubbing the neck can signal discomfort, nervousness, or deception.

4. Analyze Posture and Positioning

A person's posture speaks volumes about their confidence and emotions. Standing tall with squared shoulders conveys self-assurance, while slouching or shrinking into oneself may indicate insecurity or discomfort. Additionally, someone leaning in during a conversation suggests engagement and interest, while leaning away could signal disinterest or discomfort.

5. Focus on Eye Movement

Eye contact can be a powerful tool in understanding someone’s intentions. Direct eye contact often conveys confidence and sincerity, while prolonged avoidance of eye contact may suggest discomfort or dishonesty. Rapid blinking or darting eyes can indicate anxiety or nervousness.

6. Recognize Feet and Leg Movements

People often overlook feet and leg movements, but they can be highly revealing. Crossed legs may indicate a defensive posture, while tapping feet can signal impatience or nervous energy. If someone’s feet point away from you during a conversation, it could mean they are eager to leave the interaction.

7. Match Nonverbal Cues with Verbal Communication

Words alone rarely tell the full story. Compare spoken words with body language cues—if someone says they are happy but their facial expression appears tense or their posture is rigid, there may be an underlying emotion they are not expressing openly.

8. Look for Clusters of Cues

Instead of relying on a single body language cue, assess multiple signals together. For example, crossed arms alone might not indicate defensiveness if paired with a warm smile, but if combined with tense shoulders and a lack of eye contact, it may suggest discomfort or disengagement.

Discerning Heart to Manage Relationships

God wants us to apply wisdom with relationships so we'd know how to approach people, or totally avoid them. Solomon asked for wisdom to govern Israel as king but the principle can be applied to relationships as well. In relating with people, we sort of "govern" them to be in the right and away from being wrong. 

"So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong," [1 Kings 3.9].

And often, we have to watch people's words, preferences and tendencies, especially in their unguarded moments, because this is part of God's protection for us. He gives us the ability to see through people (not judge them though), not to confront them but to build boundaries and limits. Nonjoiners are aware of this, and this is why they very seldom sign up for memberships to support or be loyal to certain individuals. You should be able to tell who is a fool. 

Do not answer a fool according to his folly,
    or you yourself will be just like him.
5 Answer a fool according to his folly,
    or he will be wise in his own eyes.
6 Sending a message by the hands of a fool
    is like cutting off one’s feet or drinking poison.
7 Like the useless legs of one who is lame
    is a proverb in the mouth of a fool.

- Proverbs 26

By refining your ability to observe and interpret these cues, you can build deeper connections and navigate social interactions with greater insight. Over time, your ability to read body language will become more instinctive, helping you engage with people more meaningfully and detect unspoken emotions. Keep practicing, and you'll notice a significant improvement in your interpersonal awareness!

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How to Create Office Rambos: Strategies promoting autonomy in the workplace

 They finish their work whatever it takes, do or die.

Promoting autonomy in the workplace empowers employees to take ownership of their tasks, make decisions confidently, and contribute more effectively. When autonomy is encouraged, it fosters creativity, motivation, and job satisfaction. Here are key strategies to create an environment where autonomy thrives:

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1. Establish Clear Expectations Without Micromanaging

Employees need clarity on objectives, deadlines, and performance standards, but excessive oversight can stifle independence. Leaders should provide guidance without dictating every step, allowing individuals to find their own approach to accomplishing tasks.

2. Encourage Decision-Making

Allow employees to make decisions within their scope of work. Encourage them to solve problems independently before seeking managerial input. This builds confidence and a sense of ownership, leading to more proactive and capable teams.

3. Cultivate a Trust-Based Culture

Trust is the foundation of workplace autonomy. Leaders should demonstrate faith in their employees’ abilities rather than controlling every aspect of their work. When trust is present, employees feel empowered to take initiative without fear of constant scrutiny.

4. Provide the Necessary Resources and Training

Autonomy doesn't mean leaving employees to fend for themselves. Equip them with the tools, knowledge, and training they need to succeed. A well-resourced employee is more likely to handle responsibilities independently and effectively.

5. Allow Flexible Work Arrangements

Where possible, offer flexibility in work hours, remote work, or task prioritization. Allowing employees to structure their workflow leads to better productivity and job satisfaction while still meeting organizational goals.

6. Focus on Outcomes Rather Than Processes

Rather than micromanaging how tasks are completed, focus on results. Define the desired outcome but give employees the freedom to determine the best method to achieve it. This approach respects individual working styles and fosters innovation.

7. Encourage a Growth Mindset and Self-Development

Promote continuous learning by encouraging employees to seek new skills, take on challenging projects, and push themselves beyond their comfort zones. When employees feel supported in their personal and professional growth, they become more self-reliant and engaged.

8. Provide Constructive Feedback Rather Than Control

Feedback should be developmental rather than restrictive. Instead of telling employees what went wrong in a controlling manner, provide guidance that enables them to improve without feeling micromanaged. A supportive feedback loop enhances confidence and autonomy.

9. Recognize and Reward Initiative

Acknowledge employees who take initiative, make independent decisions, and contribute innovatively. Recognizing their efforts reinforces the value of autonomy and motivates others to embrace independent thinking.

10. Foster Open Communication and Collaboration

Encourage employees to voice their ideas, concerns, and suggestions freely. An open-door policy where individuals can share their perspectives without fear encourages a culture of self-driven problem-solving and leadership.

Workplace autonomy is about balancing independence with accountability. When employees feel trusted, supported, and empowered, they not only perform better but also contribute to a healthier, more innovative work environment.

Righting Social Concern: Stop Helping People

Helping people is good, but you have to stop helping them at some point. You'd probably see this as you mature, or at least I did when I learned more from life. I used to help people with almost everything when I had the opportunity, but later I saw I never really helped them. I just became their helper and they acted as my boss. Naging katulong nila ko.

You know what I mean?

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Most folks don't seek your help to learn things and do it themselves the next time around but to have you do it for them perpetually. They have zero interest in learning it. Doing it for them the first time is like signing up to be their helper forever. They'd start relying on you to do it, and later even making it your obligation to do so.

Actually, I love helping people as long as they give their best shot learning how to do it themselves. I love that. When you see them learning from you and doing it themselves later, you know you've really helped them. There's impartation, which is what makes helping meaningful. Dependence just adds more burdens on the dependable. 

Instead of helping people, I offer ideas. It's also helping, in a sense, but at least you're not directly involved. If the guy seeking help tries the idea, then I might help a little bit with suggestions or tips. I won't tell him what to do but mention how I would do it---or how I did it. It would all be verbal help. No actual demo. 

Well, if I see genuine interest and dedication, I may give a demo and even do the task with them. I think this was why Jesus carefully handpicked disciples. He wanted followers and doers, not those who just wanted help.

Jesus Didn't Do Things for People

Jesus didn't do for people what they needed to do for themselves. He helped them a lot, but they had to actually do or get the things they needed. Those who needed healing had to come to him or search for him and beg, and radically believe that the miracle had already happened. Their faith (not his faith) needed to trigger the miracle. Thus, he declared, "Your faith has healed you," when it happened.

He died for our sins, but we have to believe it for ourselves and give up a lot of things God tells us to give up. He will not do the believing or giving up for us. We need to decide to believe and give up things. The same with taking up our cross daily and following him. Our sins are forgiven by grace, but God cannot confess it for us. 

I see church pastors doing everything in church. They (feel obligated to) do the visitation, follow up, bible studies, counselling and encouragement, pray for the members, clean the church facilities and grounds, mow the lawn, greet birthday celebrants on FB, buy bible study and Sunday school materials (to make teaching easier for lay teachers) and invite non-believers, among many others. They think they help the church when they do this themselves.

I appreciate pastors who delegate work by training church folks do things by themselves so that they later lead bible studies, do miracles and healing, drive out demons, preach the Gospel and make disciples, observe communion in their homes, start cell groups in their homes, baptize new believers they disciple, lead prayer meetings, etc. I admire pastors who train people get teachings directly from the Holy Spirit---get supernatural revelations from him from God's Word---instead of relying on bible study and Sunday school materials.

I believe that everything in ministry should be done by God (because only God can do his work), and this means Jesus in us is doing the Father's will. The Father himself will not do his own will for us. We have to do it ourselves, but not really us but Christ in us. It should be Jesus in us doing it, not our own efforts, ways, strategies, plans or bright ideas. Pastors should teach and train their people in this.

The Holy Spirit will help and empower us, but he will not do for us what the Father wants us to do. Holy Spirit empowerment comes when we let Jesus do the work in and through us, and I mean each believer in church.

Social Mindset that Secures Your Space

How do you think and behave when you're with other people, especially those you're not comfortable or don't agree with? Is it right to adjust yourself to them? Should you remain yourself even if it means conflict? Or should you simply leave and go scot free? I'd love the last option, but I also do not want to develop escapism. Facing challenges strengthen your social mindset. And you? What would you do?

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The right thing is to do all three above, to my mind at least, because it always does the trick. Through my career and ministry years, I've come so familiar using all three. A little adjustment here and there, remaining yourself, and then getting out of there ASAP. It works for me, and may work for you, too. Who knows? So listen up. 

Mindset

In case you're not aware, you need a firm mindset when dealing with people. Most young people do not have this yet so they simply tag along and ride every wave of opinion or fad. They think there's always strength or assurance in numbers. So they often follow others' rules and standards. And a lot of predators love this. Predators or "lecturers" as I call them, love people easy to control and dictate to, or mindless followers.

So I've developed my social mindset since I was in high school when I attended evening classes in a public school and met a lot of thugs, bullies, crooks, gangs and hoodlums in the vicinity. Even real killers in college. But I beware especially predators who intrude into private lives to impose their rules and standards. They kill your potentials. 

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Much later in college, as a working student and out of college doing full-time jobs, I learned that life in general is like my evening class high school days--full of thugs and bullies. Yeah, even in church when I started pastoring. But through it all I managed to survive well, even comfortably, especially when I learned about people, human behavior, frailties, foibles and idiosyncrasies,  personalities, and social mindsets. Knowing what real life is all about.

Believe me, it's a battle of social mindsets out there. It's what life in this world is basically. If you don't develop a strong social mindset and use it to face the world, you'd become people's slave, especially those fond of controlling people. They're everywhere. They're social hunters preying on the weak and gullible with their "good intentions."

A mindset is an established set of attitudes (or a system of thinking and responding) you have assumed and developed and keep on improving as you learn from mistakes and gain maturity in life. You have to decide on one, derived from your self-realization, experiences and constant learning. It's something you acquire or assume, not imposed by somebody or anything. Most especially, it's God's design for you. If you seek him with all your heart, he'll show you the social mindset fit for you. I'm 100 percent sure. 

Adjusting Yourself

First off, this is NOT about compromise. I hate compromise, though in certain conditions it happens. I let it happen if it does not compromise my principles. Is that possible? Yup. When you have learned a lot about facts of life like I have, you'd know. It comes with wisdom, seeing how this life is not about you but about God. But that's for another blog post.

It's something like this--if you're inside a crowded train and someone outside squeezes himself in, sometimes you need to consider him and adjust a little so he'd fit in. Part of caring for others. Did you surrender your space to him? Nope. You're still in the train, but (in your mercy) you just considered his plight. God has mercy on the merciful. The guy may badly need to beat a deadline or something. You never know. So, consider. Adjust. Often, genuine maturity is flexibility, not rigidity.

Often, genuine maturity is flexibility, not rigidity.

During conflicts or relational frictions the same may be true. Often, just a little fine tuning is all it needs. Temporary small changes or considerations. It's something like what the bible says about "considering others better than yourself." Something like Jesus' selflessness, like when he allowed some elders to convince him to help the centurion.

The elders pleaded, “He is worthy to have you do this for him, 5 for he loves our nation, and he is the one who built us our synagogue.” 6 And Jesus went with them. [Luke 7]

Remaining Yourself

As you adjust a bit, make sure to remain yourself, too. Intact. The minimal change is just temporary. Never lose yourself to people, particularly manipulators. To do this, you often need to be tough, even look mean and intimidating, the look that says, "I'm nice and kind but don't push it. I'm a bad enemy." Not exactly but something like that. Because a lot of fools out there won't know their limit if you don't set it for them. They're bound to eat your arms if you allow them your finger. My martial arts and streetfighting training have saved me lots of times from them.

Jesus said the strong man is hard to conquer unless someone stronger dispossesses him of his "whole armor" in which he trusted. That says a lot about social mindsets. [Luke 11]

But an exception is when the Lord leads you to closely follow a discipler in a discipleship as that discipler also closely follows and imitates Jesus Christ. You submit to him but again make sure your individuality remains intact. Only the Holy Spirit has the right to change people who submit their wills and lives to him. A mature discipler will be aware of social mindsets and private spaces and respect them. But again, that's a different story. 

You have to guard your self, your individuality (the one God wants for you), because many will try to dismantle it and impose their own, thinking they are duty-bound to do it. Believe me, many people are greedy manipulators and control maniacs, often without realizing it. But sadly sometimes, you need to adjust a little bit even for them. But just a little bit. You need to remain yourself. You will learn the perfect balance as you mature in life.

Just Leave

The last one is my favorite. Just leave. After you become a bit considerate but keeping your individuality intact, just go. You can pass through danger zones but there's no reason to stay. And when I say "leave" it may mean physically or mentally--or both. It's so easy to leave the scene physically and disappear. But in real life, you're bound to cross paths again. So you should learn to leave mentally and emotionally more than physically. Moreover, there are people who leave social predators physically but remain their slaves mentally and emotionally. 

Better yet, train how to leave predators and manipulators spiritually.

Implied

Often, a social mindset is implied. You don't announce to people your life rules, behavior, likes and dislikes, preferences or response. You project it through your person and daily dealings. So you need to always be your true self. As you interact with people, they see your unique character and person. Then they adjust accordingly, and vice versa. You also need to adjust to respect others' privacy and person. Thus, a lot of times, you need to show firmness, boldness and toughness (even meanness) especially to those who'd go overboard and try to control you. 

In my case, my real self is jolly, joking and cool, but I'm also often quiet and simply listening. I never put myself forward or make myself conspicuous. I'd rather be in the backdrop. A follower. But through martial arts training I "take charge" of things of my personal concern, and I can be rudely frank and honest, sometimes naturally looking mean, intimidating and alert, though relaxed and tame. People see this and act towards me with precaution, even supposedly tough people. Bad people feel my stares and have second thoughts. This is the effect of my social mindset. It's vital for survival. It's always a jungle out there.

They Won't Take You Seriously If You're Too Happy

So it goes like this--if you want people to take you seriously, you shouldn't look too happy. You should look serious, formal and decent. You should avoid laughing too much (put a limit to about 4 lols a day). If you miss any of these four (serious, formal, decent and limited lols), they assume you're lackadaisical or flippant. Or too shallow, halfhearted or lazy. [Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay].

Or maybe a crook.

It's easy to project a respectable image with this formula. You want good treatment? Look serious. Look formal. And yes, I almost forgot--talk like a poet. Sound like the ancients, using flowery words in a modulated voice for a dramatic and mysterious effect. Most people go crazy for this and would give you everything if they hear you speak like this.

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So, instead of simply saying, "Yup, that's right," they say, "With all due respect, my beloved brethren, I'm of the opinion that it is correct." And that's with a matching formal, lowered tone of voice, often packaged with some props--the formal attire, formal gestures and walk, plus the dead formal well kempt hair.

You have this look and people respect you to the highest heavens. They deify you. That's why a lot of them are easily fooled. And no matter how many times they've been deceived by this look-formula, they just keep falling victim to it. They're actually addicted to it. The vicious cycle goes on.

This is the case with most churches, actually. They weigh pastors with this look-formula. If a minister misses the 4 characteristics, he loses respect (and possibly big offerings). So he carefully follows the norm, even adding titles and degrees to it for the final touch. He fears being disregarded or made irrelevant so he complies as best as he can. He is a full member of the club.

So you'd see almost every pastor speak with poetic voice and flowery language (especially behind the pulpit) because that's how they get people's attention and respect. It's an SOP, the same thing politicians use in campaigns. And most people like it that way. So they really deserve each other.

I've never heard Jesus talk (in the physical realms), and reading him through the King James Version of the bible lends him a rabidly formal disposition, like he was under the spell of the look-formula. So you'd think he was the serious, formal type as depicted in most Jesus films. 

But I don't think he was. Remember, he grew up in the slums of Nazareth and spoke Aramaic which was the common street language at the time. I believe he spoke the way street toughies did which was anything but serious, formal, decent, and poetic. And add to that his rugged slum attire, perhaps sullied further by the carpentry works of his father. Sometimes, I can see him as a homeless, college dropout.

Nothing in Jesus made him look like he was after people's regard or attention. On the contrary, he looked like he intentionally went against every norm and standard of men.

First Thing on GCQ: How About a Squidball Date?

What to do first thing when ECQ becomes GCQ? Go on a date, of course---a stay-at-home date, that is, with huge posters of the countryside in the background for a feel of the province. And our favorite is a Squidball date, me and my wife. It all started one summer in May. [Picture above by 200 Degrees from Pixabay].

I don't know what they put in squidballs but a couple of years back, when we first ate squidballs, they made me and my girlfriend (now my wife) fall more in love with each other. Squidballs were new then and were in strict competition with fishballs which were dwindling in popularity. We first saw squidballs at the grocery area at the basement of the old Ever Gotesco in Monumento before it burned down. So we stopped by one afternoon after alighting from the LRT.

I happened to love squid so much I was intrigued how squidballs tasted. My girlfriend was also curious, and because she was always daring and adventurous with new food, we decided to try it. Moreover, we noticed the long line of folks patiently waiting to buy them. So, this stuff must be really good, we thought. And as I've said, I love squid. Experience taught me that anything of squid was good stuff.

We looked at the menu prices and opted for the 6-piece set at P20 each set. We ordered 2 sets, one for each of us---the squidballs were bigger and meatier than fishballs---and asked for the spicy, sweet-sour sauce with mayonnaise. And it turned out the perfect sauce for squidballs although plain vinegar with fish sauce would also do. We were super impressed with our first bite. We vowed there and then we would always eat squidballs whenever we passed by Ever Gotesco. In fact, we even went out on a date just to eat squidballs there.

So, we were helplessy falling for squidballs like crazy and I noticed we also grew closer and fonder with each other as the squidball dates became frequent. And it was convenient for me because for only P100 I could date my sweetheart enjoying "fine snacking" (in lieu of fine dining) with several rounds of squidballs  plus some plastic cups of ice-cold sago't gulaman. We learned to enjoy each other's company more with simple things and found that you can go on really memorable, romantic and quality dates just eating cheap snacks if you're truly in love with each other. 

No need for expensive fine-dining.

Later, we tried it with rice and found it could well pass for a meal. The more you see how love could grow and develop with simple food, the more you are encouraged to get married because you see how it can all go well even with just a few bucks in your pocket. And that inspiration makes you fall in love with each other more. Squidballs had a lot to do with it.

Are you getting this? I mean, if your dates go well with just eating squidballs, how much more your marriage? That may sound funny but that was how we saw it. Of course, we knew we both had to make a living to workout a marriage and in fact we both worked hard in our jobs. But dates are a harbinger of what your marriage would look like. If you had to spend so much on fine-dining just to have a good date when you were sweethearts, then your marriage may easily rock with the slightest financial problems. Something like that.

So, if you're looking for someone to marry, look for somebody who'd be so happy with you over some handfuls of squidballs. You want somebody to fall for you? Ask him or her for a squidball date.

Sham Loyalty

Only God and truth deserve our loyalty. Period. I cannot emphasize this more. All other loyalties are blind--even to family. Not to your company or church or country or any other person or thing. Not even to your discipler in Christ. And especially not to a politician. Only to God and truth. [Image above by Goh Rhy Yan, Unsplash].

Loyalty to Parents

We should love and obey our parents not out of loyalty to them but out of faithfulness to God. Jeremiah the prophet was for truth when he dared criticize the sins of their fathers which their sons and daughters had suffered.

Our fathers sinned, and are no more; It is we who have borne their iniquities. [Lamentations 5]

Can anyone today honestly dare criticize the founders of their church if they err? Or do we whitewash everything and save their faces? I know a lot of folks who criticize the wrongs of other church's leadership or founders but not their own. Loyalty to godless leaders or churches does not count in heaven.

Even God commanded Ezekiel to "judge the abominations of their fathers," [20'.4]. God does not require loyalty to your family or parents to the point of covering up for their sins (which is usually how people see loyalty to family is) but he does expect loyalty to his precepts and principles on family and obeying and respecting parents. If parents err, children should turn around and follow God.

“But suppose this son has a son who sees all the sins his father commits, and though he sees them, he does not do such things..." [Ezekiel 18.14]

But obedience to God on matters of obedience to parents can be quite radical. Isaac just submitted to Abraham while the latter was about to offer him as burnt sacrifice. Both father and son acted in obedience to God. Loyalty to God and truth should indeed be grounded on an intimate, supernatural and solid relationship with God founded deeply in his spoken, revealed Word.

But many righteous kings of Judah detested the wickedness of their fathers by demolishing what they had achieved and doing the complete opposite of what their fathers did. King Hezekiah is a good example here. He did a very radical thing by openly criticizing what their fathers had done and especially undoing the wrongs his father King Ahaz did.

6 Our parents were unfaithful; they did evil in the eyes of the Lord our God and forsook him. They turned their faces away from the Lord’s dwelling place and turned their backs on him. 7 They also shut the doors of the portico and put out the lamps. They did not burn incense or present any burnt offerings at the sanctuary to the God of Israel. 8 Therefore, the anger of the Lord has fallen on Judah and Jerusalem; he has made them an object of dread and horror and scorn, as you can see with your own eyes. 9 This is why our fathers have fallen by the sword and why our sons and daughters and our wives are in captivity. [2 Chronicles 29]

But watch Abner, son of King Saul. He disobeyed the wrong commands of his father and had the right spiritual insight to see David as the next king (not himself). And yet he remained loyal to his father until death, not leaving his side during the fierce and deadly battle against the Philistines. Why? Because fighting the Philistines was in line with God's will for the kingdom of Israel. Though God did not fulfill that in Saul's kingship due to his wickedness, HE did it in David's.

Loyalty to Company or Church

They often stress loyalty to company as a good trait in employees. But if you're a serious Jesus follower (and a nonjoiner) your attitude to your company should be governed by your faithfulness to God alone. Paul the apostle wrote a lot about serving your boss well to please God, but the bible does not teach anything on being loyal to bosses or the company.

But the bible does say that: "Bad company corrupts good character," [1 Corinthians 15.33], and I seriously believe it applies to your job as well (not just to the kind of friends you keep). So the more you shouldn't give your loyalty to such. Some companies practice deceitful advertising or marketing or tamper with product quality for more profits. Or practice unfair labor practices. Don't be loyal to them. Do your job well, by all means, but don't be loyal to the company, especially with its wrong policies.

The only church that deserves your loyalty is the glorious and spiritual church of Jesus Christ, which is without spot or wrinkle or any other blemish, holy and pure. Church denominations and independent churches are definitely not included.

Loyalty to Country

The bible says submit to the governing authorities, but there are powerful instances in the bible when God required allegiance to him when there was conflict between him and the authorities. Which means we have to rely on his present spoken Word (the Now Word) on this matter. Peter and the apostles said they "would rather obey God than men" when they were prohibited by the Sanhedrin from preaching about Jesus [Acts 5.29].

Jeremiah was tasked to preach against his own country, urging the government to surrender to King Nebuchadnezzar than to fight him. And Rahab the prostitute from Jericho was told to betray her country and hide two enemy spies which led to the downfall of Jericho.

Thus, instead of loyalty to country, we should be faithful to what God tells us.

Loyalty to Your Discipler

Be obedient to your discipler or father in faith, but don't be loyal. The prophet Samuel was obedient to Eli the priest who served as his "discipler" for a while. But when God judged Eli, Samuel had to side with God and pronounce God's judgment on him. Though the Pharisees were the acknowledged religious leaders in Jesus' time (even he said so), Jesus told his disciples to leave them because they were blind guides. Any guide that is blind, we should leave.

Loyalty to Politicians

Only fools do so. Submit to the authorities (uphold the Constitution) but NOT politicians. Most politicians serve their benefactors or sponsors, not the country or citizenry--though they're skilled to look like they do. Most are deceptive manipulators. They're all the same (pro administration or the opposition) and this is so unfortunate. During elections, I try to choose the lesser evils. We have no choice.

We support the right things they do once they are in power but we should call attention to their wrongs (or criticize them). We do not rebel or take part in any destabilization, but neither should we be blind to their errors, corruption and atrocities.

Only God and truth deserve our unswerving loyalty.

Facebook is Not for Personal Problems? Why Not?

Warren Wong@wflwong

I mean, do we understand what Facebook is for? It's stated clear enough on the post box. It asks "What's on your mind?" Meaning, whatever is on your mind you may post, except things that violate FB's policies. And that does NOT include personal problems. Post all the woes you want--the site's a democracy.

There's a true story about a social site (I forget what it's name was) where a stroke victim all alone in her home asked for help on the social site. After several attempts, a guy from another country finally noticed her posts for help. This guy checked the lady's address and contacted the nearest ambulance service there (if I remember right, it was 911). The lady was rescued.

See?

If seeing personal problems posted on FB pisses you off, simply ignore them. As simple as that. You don't need to discourage people from expressing themselves on the site. I saw this poster on FB which said folks that get offended by posts on FB are like those who see shit (feces or excrement) on the street and step on them, instead of just going around to avoid them.

I often watch out for insinuations for help on FB, folks who "cry" for help but do it indirectly or using less obvious words. I also stay alert for prayer requests. There are lots of them on FB. These are opportunities to pray for troubled people who turn to FB for attention. I've made it my little ministry while I also do my work on FB as a content writer and blogger.

Plus, I post entertaining (mostly funny) posts that cater to a lot of my FB friends, even strangers. They send me personal messages urging me to keep posting my posts, though they never "like" them in public. Strange fellows. Some even say my posts "make my morning" or "give me a refreshed start for the day." Something like that. Others say they actually watch out for my posts daily. Some get relief from stress just seeing me on FB.

More people find less available people to turn to when they have problems. And social media came in just in time for such a time like this. I know God designed it this way--another one of his perfect timings--to help people improve their social life and health--it's why they call it SOCIAL media. It's a means of connecting with society. We were created to connect and get in touch.

I try my best to respond to every reaction my posts get. It's a way of saying, "Thanks for appreciating my posts. I'm also here for you." I take time to either "like" or type in a few words. Or throw in some emoticons. It just takes 2 to 3 seconds. Even less. It shows you care. Oh, believe me, a lot of people out there need to know someone cares. You can be that guy to them.

Why We're More Disciplined Abroad Than At Home

Guilherme Cunha @guiccunha

It's a phenomenon why we Pinoys are disciplined when living abroad but not when we're in the Philippines. It's there but we can't seem to explain exactly why. Well, I think I can.

It's obviously because of better career prospects in foreign countries, especially developed ones, that we're tamer there than in ours. We don't want to miss good opportunities which we deem more probable abroad than at home. Here in the Philippines, losing jobs is not that serious because of the low pay we get from them. Yeah we get upset when we're laid off or fired, but so what? We didn't really lose a lot and we always have a ready fall back--our family. Immediate family support keeps us resilient during unemployment.

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And so with following rules, regulations and laws which most people take for granted because they see how most authorities don't take them seriously anyway. Why don't the latter take them seriously? Because of the low pay. It's the lack of lucrative opportunities. So they resort to corruption to live beyond their means and have some stability in the future. Anyway, there are ways to circumvent laws so easily. And almost no one's really punished for breaking them. So no one's paying attention about discipline.

Where there's corruption like that, there's terrible lack of discipline. You get away with breaking the law by bribing your way to freedom or living above the law. Or simply smiling at your misdemeanor. Or walking away nonchalantly from troubles you caused, like how hired tandem killers do it. When these are rampant, who wants to take anything seriously? So discipline is thrown out the window.

You don't do these things abroad because you don't want bad record or reputation to ruin your opportunities. And you know you're in trouble with the authorities the moment you screw up with the law. So it's often about the prospect to make more money plus seeing how serious the government is with law enforcement. And being away from family. Where these are obvious, we manage to be disciplined.

A fourth reason is our fondness for foreigners or anything foreign. Some call it colonial mentality, some call it politeness or hospitality. We're so enthralled by foreigners, especially their height, that we marvel just seeing them around. I was once walking in Divisoria with my wife's niece and her huge American husband and everywhere we were people's eyes were glued to him like he was a Hollywood celebrity. We love to please foreigners and by that they think we're friendly. Well, in a sense we are, but sometimes it has lots to do with one's nationality.

There's a fourth reason. Our brand of camaraderie. Filipinos are often known to keep good friendship at all cost. We sometimes wonder why our kids behave lots better when they're at their friends' homes than when they're at their own homes. They're more polite and helpful, for instance. More ready to do chores. But at home they're unabashedly displaying odd behaviors and laziness. One reason is feeling homey. They can be themselves because they're around family. The same when Pinoys work diligently abroad but lackadaisical when in the Philippines.

But native camaraderie more often than not makes them behave better. They don't want to ruin good friendships so they take care not to mar good relationships in any way. When they're at their friends' house they cooperate more and are readier to lend a hand. But when at home they're often unreliable and just love idling around. Because they see family as "permanent"--it will remain intact no matter what happens. While friendly relationships are fragile and need careful handling.

There was this young guy who came to our place and helped us a lot with our family projects--gardening, carpentry, cooking, etc. He seemed a very fine young man, very helpful, courteous and respectful with his manners. When I mentioned it to his dad, he frowned and could not believe it. "My boy? Nice and hard working? You must be talking of another kid!" he said. Filipino camaraderie works like that.

And here's a factor we often miss. When someone visits us at home, we tend to treat him well---like talking to him sweetly and nicely and serving him good lunch or dinner. Filipino hospitality. So he feels special and thinks, "Hey they're a really nice family! They're nice to me. I like them!" He grows fond of us and shows us good treatment, too. So we see him at his best. We see him as a "nice kid." Back home, he gets the usual treatment. No nice talk and delicious dinner. I mean, we talk naturally when we're with family and often this means no sweet icing on the cake. We love each other but we talk with honest faces, words and tone of voice. We get scolded upfront. We shout. We tease and fight. We etcetera.

And with dinner---mom often cooks what's within budget and that usually means a not-so-special meal. Good but not that special. Right? No wonder then that we become "nice" when we're at our friend's house. In college I always ate "properly" when in my classmate's house and his parents thought I was a nice young man. Of course, back home, I was not as nice. I ate properly, but not that properly. Why is this? Camaraderie with my classmate. Regular life at home.

The same when working abroad and locally. We perform better abroad because we treasure our new-found work relationships there and like to keep them a long time. Not for anything else but job camaraderie. Well, okay---we might add to it the high pay. Better pay plus camaraderie equals good showmanship. Here at home, we also love the work relationships we have but kind of take them for granted at times because employment is often unrewarding. Pay-wise, that is.

Last reason is reputation. We criticize Filipinos when they're disciplined in other countries but not in theirs. Well, the change is due to patriotism, like it or not. They do their best to change themselves to give us all a good name abroad. They want foreigners to say good things about us. The same way why your teenager behaves well when in another house and not as well when in his or her own house. It's to save the family's reputation. Maintain a good name. And maintain honor to his or her dad and mom.

The Magic in the Rain When Classes are Suspended

Rainy days that suspend classes bring back lots of fond childhood memories. I'm sure Lito Yunzon and Pedro Aldave would agree if they were reading this. This early morning we were greeted with a suspension of classes due to anticipated heavy rains from typhoon Falcon.

Actually, I'd been prophesying about it last night to my wife but she was a bit hesitant to buy the idea because the news said only the countryside would be affected, especially to the north. But I had a big hunch we'd get a suspension early today. And I was right.

I woke up early this morning listening to the rain and asked my wife if I were an accurate prophet. She muttered her agreement then begged to be allowed some more sleep. I seldom miss when it comes to predicting things. I have a keen sense of anticipation, seeing where things or events are headed for.

After a short sleep extension we finally got out of bed and was shocked to see it was 11 am. It sure felt like a short nap but apparently we had a 5-hour extension and missed breakfast. We decided on a brunch (breakfast and lunch) and cooked fried eggs, native sausages (longanisa), fried ground beef and some corned beef---actually mostly leftovers. We added a bowl of atsara (pickled veggies).

Now here's what's super. After brunch I, my wife and our grandson went out the front porch to enjoy the rain while our two sons fixed the table and dishes. We relaxed at the porch while grandson entertained us with talks, songs and dance. After his special numbers we watched the water flowing in the canal down the street and I casually mentioned about how my friends and I made small wooden canoes and placed them on the water when we were kids.

My wife immediately took out some papers and a pair of scissors and started making paper boats. Then she and grandson went out and placed them on the canal water. Soon, as I watched them, I was transported back to my childhood. Suddenly, I was young again and felt the rain on my face when I and my childhood friends had bathed in the rain, running up and down the street as we followed our makeshift toy wooden boats on the canal flowing down the street.

The very same street my grandkid was now enjoying with his grandma, huddled securely together under their umbrella while I stood nearby at the porch.

Rain is mysterious like that. It takes you to a different dimension if you're sensitive enough to the atmosphere it's creating and if you let it take you to the place it's recreating. If you just connect with it, it'd let you see in the distant past and revisit every detail like it was only yesterday. I could almost see Arturo and I soaking wet in the rain when we were grade 4 kids, shouting as our stick canoes raced each other, while Dennis Pido sat in the canal allowing the strong current to carry him down the street.

Yup, the water flowing in the street canals back then were that strong and that clean.

My wife called to me and I was immediately back to the present. Our grandkid was now bored of the rain and wanted to go back to our house. My wife seconded the motion and remembered the lessons she had to prepare. They went ahead while I looked back over my shoulders to watch my childhood friends slowly disappear in sight.

Displaying Their Worth

Bryan Kyed @bmkd

You know it's the age of insecurity when almost everyone wants to be the greatest. They may not say it directly but they "shout" it with their actions and insinuations. They're the best. No one can beat them. And the worse thing is, they make sure everyone knows. They display their worth. They're always better than you.

Yeah I know. We all think we're great. Some of us venture further and assume they're the greatest. That's okay, as long as you keep it to yourself. Often, I catch myself comparing myself to others and find myself better. Well, a lot better, most times 😁. But it's my little secret. I don't announce it. In fact, I'm careful that no one notices, so I stay as low profile as possible. I'm seldom the life of a party.

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There's this guy who wants to imagine himself as broad-minded and mature, but in our conversations he can't stop putting himself on a pedestal. He's got to have the smartest and last say on everything. So, we're in this meeting and he interrupts everyone who speaks, putting forward his opinions and ideas and coming nothing short of saying only his ideas are good.

Well, the others won't be outdone, so they each also try to prove their worth. So the meeting becomes a circus and I alone am left quietly watching and listening to their antics. It's the pits. Too bad I have no choice but to stay and finish the meeting. They prod me to show off, too, but I'm a nonjoiner. I let them have their day doing self-promotion and blah blah blah. However, the first greatest guy on earth wins in the end.

You see how the world is worsening when people become more self-centered. You're "smart" when you promote yourself unabashedly, and you're dumb if you just keep quiet and refuse to join the circus. People think you're talented and intelligent if you're talkative. I don't know how they came up with that standard. But me, I stay away from talkative and self-promoting people. I don't trust them.

And talking of trust, few people today are trustworthy. I was talking to my wife over lunch at SM North when I commented how people cannot be trusted anymore today. It was in response to her complaint how people she thought were her friends--with whom she was nice--back-stabbed her. "Well, life lesson number one," I said. " It's hard to trust people just like that."

To me it's settled a long time ago. A talkative, self-promoting guy is one you should keep an eye on. He's up to something and whatever it is, he plans to use you. After you're used, he dumps you, especially if he sees another more useful person. Is this being so negative? Nope. It's learning from life's lessons. I befriend lots of people but I'm so cautious.

The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. [Proverbs 12.26]

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However, I feel differently for some old folks who are lonely and looking for people who'd listen to their story. I often give them sincere, listening ears. They've lost a lot of friends and family--they're almost alone in life now--and they need someone to talk to. There are lots of them out there. If you find one, do take time to stop and listen. 

There was this senior-citizen lawyer who lived at the corner of our street. He'd watch for me each time I bought lunch at a nearby street karenderia. He'd wave his hand and call whenever he caught a glimpse of me and he'd tell me stories--where he lived, his great hometown, his great career, friends, family, etc. I'm a bit disheartened when I learn that some folks like this don't even have their family available to listen to them. 

He liked talking to me because he saw how I was a good listener. Later, I heard that he had died, somewhat intentionally doing everything that was harmful to his diabetes, because he had wanted to die--and he missed his dead wife terribly. These folks do not display their worth with their self-aggrandizing stories. They need to reminisce their good times with people who'd really listen before they leave this world.

By God's grace, I had that opportunity with my dad and mom. I spent quality time with them listening to their great stories, laughing, praying, and dreaming with them. I enjoyed early morning walks with dad while he told me stories of his youth. I spent lunch times with mom when she was alone and dad had died. I had private bible studies with them. I just listened to them intently, genuinely interested, without any arguments.

Before this I had been a quietly rebellious son, though I helped them a lot with house chores when I was in high school and college. Nonetheless, I wasn't in good terms especially with my dad. But God gave me a chance to make up, and did it for years before they died. The best way to display your worth is to listen quietly to people who are lonely and about to exit this world.

Why Not a Followership Conference?

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It's always a leadership conference or seminar. I've attended many of them and I wasn't really that impressed. Can you imagine a gathering of bosses? The very reason why we take vacations--as far away from office as possible--is because we want time off from our bosses. And then you attend a leadership seminar where everyone wants to be boss?

Organize a good followers' conference and I might be among the first to signup. I'd probably learn more there than in leadership seminars. After all, smart guys have said that good leaders are good followers. Not that I dream to lead. But I'm sure I can get more out of lessons on following. Unfortunately, there aren't many good materials on it. Are there? Here's how to be liked by most people. Click here.

Because they're all after leadership. And I'm a nonjoiner.

Did Jesus talk on leadership? All I can remember are his words about "Come follow me." Or, "If anyone comes after me." Umm, okay, he did talk on leadership, like the parable of the unjust and the faithful stewards, though they're more on stewardship. He certainly proved the model of a good leader and we can get lots of powerful principles on leadership from that. But teachings on how we can become boss and lead others? I think he focused on followership. Discipleship, to be exact.

According to MyEmail.ConstantContact.com, followership "is defined as the willingness to cooperate in working toward the accomplishment of defined goals while demonstrating a high degree of interactive teamwork. Effective followers are active participants (partners) in creating the leadership process."

See how important it is? It creates "the leadership process." So how come there are not many followership conferences or seminars? Not even in church. I bet if you try to do a followership conference and charge a fee as high as what they charge in leadership conferences, not many will go. Because they do not have the imagination. They all want to ride the leadership bandwagon.

They're all joiners. Joiners are often robots. They don't have imagination.

They all have this grandiose self-image of being great. But try to imagine if all of us were leaders--yeah, even great leaders at that. How can you be great without followers? And that's what we'd all be--leaders without a following. And I assure you, nothing will move on this planet with all of us being leaders. Followers are more important.

A growing population is a king’s glory; a prince without subjects has nothing. [Proverbs 14.28]

What to tackle in a followership conference? How to obey instructions or follow rules and regulations is a good start. And the important thing is to make people see that following instructions or rules as a habit is a MUST to success, not necessarily to leadership. Most people think that the way to success is beating others in the contest or proving yourself better than others. Why this mindset? Because there are no good followership conferences.

Few people really believe (and apply it in their daily lives) that humility, cooperation and obedience are paths to real success and greatness. They pursue their college degrees, pursue masters and doctorates--not to cooperate and follow a leader--but to become instant leaders and start ordering people around. To them, that is success.

Thus, if you grow old and die just being a follower all your life, they pity you and say you'd been a loser, or you just wasted your time. They never realize that they're in position now because some people decided to follow them and put them in position, not grab it from them or compete with them. To me, that's greatness.

I've met people who should've been in leadership but never bothered because they were happy being followers. But they solved all the problems of their leaders, did all the dirty jobs for them. Who got the glory? Their bosses. And them? They're just happy to live quiet lives away from the limelight. I salute these people. To me they're great. They're bosses? I have other ideas about them.

It's also a problem if you decide to skip followership phase and jump to being boss or owner of your own business. If you're not a good follower you will never be a good leader. I've met people in high position, or owner of businesses, who stink when it comes to how they treat people. You may even see them speaking on stage in a leadership conference and people applauding their wisdom on leadership, but in person they fail terribly in human relations. Yup, it happens.

Why?

Because they never went through the process and rudiments of followership. And why this? Because all organizers do are leadership conferences. The church is guilty, too. I mean, I've seen churches where almost everyone is a pastor, assistant pastor, associate pastor, youth pastor or something. They're all pastors. No one wants to follow. Even the church board wants to lead the pastor. So they quarrel.

If they see how you're able to speak or teach, they make you a pastor. If you just showoff some leadership potential, they declare you a pastor. Pastors should have undergone the Jesus discipleship before they become pastors. The apostles went through the Jesus discipleship process--they assisted Jesus, ran errands for him, were scolded by him, taught by him, faced dangers, healed the sick, cast out demons, and most of all--they gave up everything as Jesus also did.

As Paul said, all his accomplishments and potentials he treated as garbage "that I may gain Christ." That's the spirit of true followership. The apostles learned radical obedience from a discipler, not from a bible school or seminary professor or in Sunday school. Followership is deeply relational. You learn hands-on from the very hands of the guy you follow as you both do the actual hard work out there in the field.

Second, most people are lost as to who to follow. Who deserves our followership? In a followership conference, we should be taught how to discern real leaders. Many voters are tricked into voting wrong candidates because they don't know who to follow. Why? No followership conference. They're oriented to think that whoever has the gold deserves their followership.

So you see, we really need a followership conference today.

Empty Water Bottles in Your Fridge: An Analysis

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I don't know what they're doing there--and who put them there. Whoever it is, the guy must be a super genius to think that empty pitchers and bottles should be left in the fridge to freeze. Why? Well, probably so the bottles would suck in cold air and he'd sip it from the bottles on a hot day. Or place the cold, empty bottles on his head on a hot summer day.

Or perhaps, the guy is super spiritual. He prayed that the empty containers be filled with water miraculously after he had left them in the fridge. I haven't seen such faith even in all Israel. I've heard of water turning into wine or a body of water splitting in half, but not empty pitchers and bottles filled miraculously in the fridge. I mean, this is something new. I marvel at it each time.

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I can understand empty or half-filled water bottles or pitchers left on the dining table or kitchen sink just like that. It means they expect you to refill it. My mind can still fathom wonders like that. But empty bottles in the fridge? That's a novelty. It needs a patent or copyright or something. And the biggest wonder is, it can remain there in the fridge like that even after months or years (or decades), unless you refill it with water. Amazing.

Yeah, I know, I should lecture whoever the author is of this smart idea. And I did just that. I did my homework. I did a survey of the top three geniuses at home (two sons and a grandson) and narrowed the choices down to two and then cast the lot between them. And the lot fell on the culprit. He tried to deny it, but later admitted with a foolish grin.

I gave him a short lecture (I don't believe in delivering valedictory speeches), explaining the facts of life and the ecosystem in nature, with an incidental mention about global warming. "Yeah I know you know about these things (millennials hate it when you assume they don't know a thing), I'm just reminding you," I said. "I bet you'd never do the same thing in your office. Would your boss be happy when he sees your empty bottle habit?"

Now, question is, what does it mean when someone empties a bottle from the fridge and puts it back there empty? Aside from the ingenuity and spiritual considerations mentioned above, the guy is probably:

Considerate. He thinks of others first before himself. He gives other people opportunity to serve others and not always take the privilege for himself. He gives you a chance to prove yourself. He's selfless, even a hero--he doesn't care about getting the glory as long as others get a chance.

Environmentalist. He hates depleting the water supply. He knows water is life and he doesn't want to subtract from the water source--or, he could not stomach doing it himself so he lets others do the dirty job. He knows that anymore reduction in the water supply can contribute to global warming and the Greenhouse effect.

Object lover. There are nature lovers and also object lovers. He'd rather leave bottles empty than fill them with water and "drown" them. Oh, and he's also an object-right advocate.

Conservationist. He knows that overcrowding the fridge would overwork it and consume more energy. That means more fuel or coals used, and more pollution released in the atmosphere. He probably sees how our fridge is packed with nothing but so many pitchers and bottles containing water, and his heart is broken just thinking of the toll on the environment.

Or probably, he's just lazy.

How to Enjoy Your Wife's Circuitous Shopping

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Scouring the entire department store or mall in deep search for something she cannot define exactly, only to end up at the section she first started with. Sounds familiar? Circuitous or roundabout does not accurately describe it. It's more like hacking your way through thick virgin forests or being Voyager 9 gliding aimlessly through outer space. Or was it Voyager 1?

I used to hate going shopping with the wife until I finally saw wisdom in waiting patiently. It's a lost virtue these days, even in church. No one knows how to wait anymore. A precious lost art. I almost lost it, too. But one day I saw light at the end of the long, dark, circuitous tunnel.

So, if you want to enjoy your wife's long-winded shopping, here are things you should do:

1. Pray. Impossible things become possible with prayer. If it can move mountains, perhaps it can move our wive's hearts, too, so they'd see the wisdom in shortened shopping? Don't laugh. Who knows?

2. Accept the facts of life. Accept it. Women shop like that--long, tortuous, wearisome, boring pointless. They're sure to buy from the first store they started with after trying every darn store in the mall. I mean, every darn store. Don't argue, don't reason. Just accept the fact. You'd find life more tolerable and meaningful. Eve probably checked out every tree in Eden but ended up where she started--tree of knowledge. Did Adam complain about Eve's tree shopping?

3. Remember your marriage vows. For better, for worse, remember? That nearly means, "For longer or shorter shopping periods, for circuitous or direct-to-the-point shopping." And we also promised to bear one another "for richer, for poorer." So, never complain how much she spent for lingerie or a weight loss supplement. And finally, "Till death do us part."  You're just made to wait 3 or 4 hours. It's not exactly a life or death situation, is it?

4. Smile. While you're at it, smile. Your wife counts so much on your full support. I finally got my smile right after hours and years staring at big mirrors in department stores, checking how my smile looked, adjusting it accordingly.

5. You love her, don't you? I mean, why did you marry her in the first place if you didn't love her? No logic in that. Now, since you love her so much that you went through all the challenges to marry her, what's 3 or 4 hours of tedious shopping?

Belittling Good Qualities You See in Others

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Kids naturally envy other kids who have what they don't, but which they covet. So when we were kids we'd console ourselves by saying we don't like the toys others have but we which we really secretly desired. That way we didn't feel so bad about it.

I never received any award, trophy or honor in school. Almost all my classmates did. In grade school, they all got honors and top in this and that. But I was "Best Cook." Imagine how my mom looked like pinning the ribbon on me. But I could tell she still loved me, anyway. Best cook, while my classmates were best in English, Math, Science, Language, Economics, etc. Have you ever heard of an award like that during graduation? "Best cook"? Obviously they just made that up to just to give me something so wouldn't feel bad. I felt bad, but later, I told myself I didn't need awards anyway.

Same with girlfriends when I was in high school and college. My friends all had GFs to brag about while I busied myself with gardening and karate. Outwardly, I acted like I was not interested and found romantic relationships awkward. But inside, I wished I had a girlfriend, too. But later I consoled myself by thinking I didn't need it anyway.

Well, fortunately I overcame that feeling with material things early in life. In 1972 martial law was declared and my parents had to tighten their belts to make ends meet. That's when I learned to be content with what little money and material possessions I had and not to covet what others had. During recess, all my classmates ate grand snacks while I had to content myself with whatever my P10.00 could afford.

It's different now. I don't care much about what I do not have. Well, I need a lot of things, but I can live comfortably with much of my wants lacking. Even with things like success and status. I'm quite comfy with being average, sometimes even below that. You can be happy with that if you're a nonjoiner. I can honestly appreciate good qualities in others without the tendency to belittle them just because I don't possess them. But sadly, I see that attitude around me countless times among supposedly mature people.

When they see qualities in you which they lack, they tend to belittle them, or even scorn them. Except if they see how your good qualities or talent can help them and if, in fact, you're willing to lend a hand. But they won't appreciate it if it just makes you look better. I don't intend to look better than others, but sometimes you'd find that you have something in you that makes you a bit better.

So what I do is keep mum. I'm not in the habit of showing off and telling others about myself. In meetings, I prefer to be the silent listener. I stay away or hide when they need to vote for a leader. I let others have their way. I want a quiet life. I have enough stress already as it is. I'm quite content being in the background support.

I'd rather listen to others tell how great they are do the same for myself or be in competition with them. But sometimes it pains the ears to always hear them talk like that. But what can you do? I can choose to be rude and show my irritation, but I rather not. You do that and you just prove that you're a joiner. Just listen patiently and sincerely while staying out of the contest because that makes you a genuine nonjoiner.