When You Have Done Everything to Change But Nothing Changed

I know people who sincerely want to change for the better and in fact tried everything to make it happen. Even spent lots of money, to no avail. I also know people who really think they've changed a lot but don't see how all the old stuff in them is just covered with a thin vinyl or "wall" paper that easily bursts during unguarded moments. 

Photo by Noah Silliman on Unsplash.

Change is hard and isn't possible at all unless initiated by our Maker. Artificial change (change wrought by us or people) does not last and only allows the old, nasty self to grow bigger and stronger quietly in us, waiting for the right moment to erupt. It happens more with churchy people who believe they have become spiritual because of their self-imposed discipline. Or their religion or church. They wear an effective mask that fools people about their supposed change and spirituality. 

But actually, nothing's changed in them. 

Unless the LORD does the change, everything is skin-deep, wolf in sheep's clothing. Wolves of this kind are nice persons, as if always ready to help, as if sincere and caring, soft spoken, but later shed off the fake wool when their egos are touched. And egos are often invisible to the naked eyes when the ego-centered become experts at disguising it. I've met those who have mastered the art of disguising. 

But you know what exposes them? Their lecturing tendencies---when they can't stand those who are not of the same mind as they are, whose opinions differ from theirs. Their egos won't let you get away with your opposing convictions, so they argue with you (which they disguise as "healthy discussion"), lecturing about what you should do or believe, with the aim of making you look stupid for believing what you believe. 

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You Cannot Tame Your Ego

The ego, unless genuinely changed directly by the LORD, will never be tamed or changed for the better. And I mean, it should be the LORD Himself doing his personal molding on you. Counseling, therapy and even bible studies or listening to church sermons WILL NOT do it. They may effect artificial changes but they never last. Walang forever sa artificial. And sadly, almost everything in church today (regardless of the denomination) is merely artificial. 

Only Jesus' Blood can cleanse and purify, and only His resurrection power can quicken us from a dead spiritual life. This is why real change (transformation) is possible only with a personal encounter with Jesus, not just once, but everyday, even each moment of the day while we face everyday life in this world. His transforming Presence alone can do it. Good news is, that presence is available anywhere, any time, and in any mood you're in. In fact, I say it is more accessble when you're not in church, the church that men invented and run using the Babylon system, not the church Jesus builds. 

How to be in His Presence

First and foremost, you need to be soaked in God's spoken Word and led by the Holy Spirit. Without the Word that comes out of the mouth of God and without the Holy Spirit, everything is garbage. Remaining in His Word means remaining in His presence 24/7, and this is only possible if you're Spirit led 24/7. When you're soaked in the presence like this, you transform, genuinely. It's God Himself doing the mighty work in you. You don't struggle or exert any effort. 

How is this possible? Aside from asking the Holy Spirit to "reveal" truth to you supernaturally (not through man's theology, bible study tools or lessons or hermeneutics or whatnot), you remain in the presence by always chatting with the LORD, telling or discussing things with Him, or simply quietly relaxing in His presence, always "aware" of being near Him and in Him. You talk, laugh, or joke with other people, you may even be stressed by work at the office or in your business, stressed by traffic or problems (hurt, frustrated, disappointed or anxious about things), but these things change nothing about your spiritual composure inside because you remain in His Presence. 

And this genuinely changes---even transforms---you to be better. 

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Reading People's Minds

Relating with people effectively requires keen discernment and observation. Communication is much more than the words spoken—it includes facial expressions, gestures, tone, and body language, which often reveal emotions, intentions, and underlying thoughts that words alone may not convey. By learning to interpret these cues, we can build stronger relationships, avoid misunderstandings, and protect ourselves from deceit or manipulation.

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The Power of Discernment

Discernment is the ability to perceive and understand subtle differences and meanings in interactions. It helps us make sound judgments about people’s sincerity, credibility, and emotional state. To cultivate discernment, one must practice active listening, analyze patterns in behavior, and remain objective instead of jumping to conclusions. It is important to balance intuition with logic, ensuring that emotions don’t cloud one’s judgment.

In social settings, discernment allows us to gauge the intentions of others. For instance, someone may offer words of encouragement, but their tone and body language may suggest indifference or even hidden hostility. By discerning inconsistencies between verbal and nonverbal cues, one can respond appropriately—either addressing concerns or adjusting expectations.

Observing Facial Expressions and Gestures

Facial expressions are one of the most revealing aspects of communication. A genuine smile engages the entire face, particularly around the eyes, while a forced smile often lacks warmth and symmetry. Microexpressions—fleeting facial reactions—can betray true emotions, even when someone tries to conceal them. For example, a brief flash of sadness or anger may indicate unresolved tension.

Gestures add further context to interactions. Crossed arms may signal defensiveness or discomfort, while open-palmed gestures suggest honesty and openness. Frequent fidgeting or avoiding eye contact can indicate nervousness or dishonesty. Additionally, sudden shifts in posture, such as leaning forward or pulling away, can reveal a person’s level of engagement or disinterest.

Analyzing Remarks and Tone

Words provide information, but tone and phrasing carry deeper meaning. A sarcastic remark may appear friendly but could mask underlying resentment or passive aggression. Hesitation in speech might indicate uncertainty or dishonesty, while overly enthusiastic praise can sometimes be insincere.

It’s essential to listen for inconsistencies in how people express themselves. Someone who contradicts their earlier statements may be misleading or unsure of their true thoughts. Additionally, abrupt changes in volume or pace may signal heightened emotions, such as frustration or excitement.

Understanding Body Language

Body language speaks volumes. Someone standing tall and making direct eye contact exudes confidence, while slouched posture may suggest insecurity or discomfort. Foot placement is another subtle cue—feet pointing away can indicate a desire to leave a conversation, while mirroring another’s stance can show agreement and connection.

By sharpening discernment and observation, one can foster deeper, more authentic relationships while avoiding manipulation or misinterpretation. Paying attention to both verbal and nonverbal signals allows us to respond thoughtfully, strengthening bonds and ensuring smoother interactions.

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