Make Online Schooling Fun for Your Kids

Online classes are supposed to make things simpler, compared to its face-to-face counterpart, right? However, it's not as simple as it seems. Teachers have to prepare a lot more than usual and most of them, being not that computer savvy, find online teaching somewhat making things worse. Photo by Mohammad Shahhosseini on Unsplash.

I mean, just imagine learning the complexities of Google meet and suite the first time. Or Zoom. And that's besides preparing powerpoints you have to integrate on screen during the video conferencing. The most challenging is how you teach Math effectively online through powerpoints? 

But being at the receiving end of online teaching should make kids enjoy it more. For one, they don't need to get up too early to prepare for school and tackle heavy traffic anymore. Second, they enjoy it in the comforts of their homes often with their families. Third, it's an exciting new thing.

Anything new is exciting for kids. And teachers and parents should make it stay that way.

How? There's just one word--adventure. Keep it to the kids. Let them explore and discover online schooling for themselves. In short, never spoon-feed them. It takes all the excitement away. Let them work hard. Yeah, you may lend a helping hand now and then, but control yourself.

There's a big temptation to do the schooling yourself for your kids in online classes. You become your kid's secretary or assistant, doing the hard works for them. You answer their quizzes, do their projects, whisper answers during recitations, the works. Yeah, they'd probably get higher grades but they'd end up the loser after. 

And you end up getting all the fun, not your kids.

I remember in grade school (from grade 5 onwards) and high school when my parents were totally hands off about my schooling. They let me do everything and especially experience all the hardships. My projects and art works were often the pits but I was proud to have done them myself. It wasn't school; it was an adventure. It was fun.

I made my own belt, door mat, coconut shell coin bank, bamboo piggy bank and ashtray, leather wallet, dustpan and broomsticks as school projects, and various art works. I also did my own garden plot and planted and harvested vegetables. I learned how to cook meals and build fires and makeshift stoves. All these when I was just in grade 5. 

We got little to no assistance from our teachers, except teaching us the basics. Then they let us do everything. Whatever resulted from our manual labor and self efforts, that we submitted and got grades from. And it was so fulfilling. I can remember the feeling of adventure.

Yeah I suffered giving wrong answers and getting low grades during recitation and quizzes but I learned well from my mistakes and that helped me become more responsible and positively independent. I faced my own problems squarely, getting encouragement and guidance (not direct assistance) from my parents at home. I learned to study my lessons myself at an early age. 

All my parents did was look at my report card and sign on it each quarter. And of course, attend programs and PTA meetings, pay my tuition fees and provide my allowances. 

Let kids commit mistakes and experience getting low grades. It toughens their mettle and develops their self-confidence in the end. It prepares them for the next higher levels. It molds their character. Never do anything that will take these things away from our kids in this new normal and online schooling.

If we cheat to get higher grades for our kids, we only cheat ourselves and have our kids suffer from it in the end.

Remember, the fun in schooling--offline or online--is the adventure. When amid wins and defeats, our kids discover things for themselves and accomplish things from their own hard work. 

Sham Loyalty

Only God and truth deserve our loyalty. Period. I cannot emphasize this more. All other loyalties are blind--even to family. Not to your company or church or country or any other person or thing. Not even to your discipler in Christ. And especially not to a politician. Only to God and truth. [Image above by Goh Rhy Yan, Unsplash].

Loyalty to Parents

We should love and obey our parents not out of loyalty to them but out of faithfulness to God. Jeremiah the prophet was for truth when he dared criticize the sins of their fathers which their sons and daughters had suffered.

Our fathers sinned, and are no more; It is we who have borne their iniquities. [Lamentations 5]

Can anyone today honestly dare criticize the founders of their church if they err? Or do we whitewash everything and save their faces? I know a lot of folks who criticize the wrongs of other church's leadership or founders but not their own. Loyalty to godless leaders or churches does not count in heaven.

Even God commanded Ezekiel to "judge the abominations of their fathers," [20'.4]. God does not require loyalty to your family or parents to the point of covering up for their sins (which is usually how people see loyalty to family is) but he does expect loyalty to his precepts and principles on family and obeying and respecting parents. If parents err, children should turn around and follow God.

“But suppose this son has a son who sees all the sins his father commits, and though he sees them, he does not do such things..." [Ezekiel 18.14]

But obedience to God on matters of obedience to parents can be quite radical. Isaac just submitted to Abraham while the latter was about to offer him as burnt sacrifice. Both father and son acted in obedience to God. Loyalty to God and truth should indeed be grounded on an intimate, supernatural and solid relationship with God founded deeply in his spoken, revealed Word.

But many righteous kings of Judah detested the wickedness of their fathers by demolishing what they had achieved and doing the complete opposite of what their fathers did. King Hezekiah is a good example here. He did a very radical thing by openly criticizing what their fathers had done and especially undoing the wrongs his father King Ahaz did.

6 Our parents were unfaithful; they did evil in the eyes of the Lord our God and forsook him. They turned their faces away from the Lord’s dwelling place and turned their backs on him. 7 They also shut the doors of the portico and put out the lamps. They did not burn incense or present any burnt offerings at the sanctuary to the God of Israel. 8 Therefore, the anger of the Lord has fallen on Judah and Jerusalem; he has made them an object of dread and horror and scorn, as you can see with your own eyes. 9 This is why our fathers have fallen by the sword and why our sons and daughters and our wives are in captivity. [2 Chronicles 29]

But watch Abner, son of King Saul. He disobeyed the wrong commands of his father and had the right spiritual insight to see David as the next king (not himself). And yet he remained loyal to his father until death, not leaving his side during the fierce and deadly battle against the Philistines. Why? Because fighting the Philistines was in line with God's will for the kingdom of Israel. Though God did not fulfill that in Saul's kingship due to his wickedness, HE did it in David's.

Loyalty to Company or Church

They often stress loyalty to company as a good trait in employees. But if you're a serious Jesus follower (and a nonjoiner) your attitude to your company should be governed by your faithfulness to God alone. Paul the apostle wrote a lot about serving your boss well to please God, but the bible does not teach anything on being loyal to bosses or the company.

But the bible does say that: "Bad company corrupts good character," [1 Corinthians 15.33], and I seriously believe it applies to your job as well (not just to the kind of friends you keep). So the more you shouldn't give your loyalty to such. Some companies practice deceitful advertising or marketing or tamper with product quality for more profits. Or practice unfair labor practices. Don't be loyal to them. Do your job well, by all means, but don't be loyal to the company, especially with its wrong policies.

The only church that deserves your loyalty is the glorious and spiritual church of Jesus Christ, which is without spot or wrinkle or any other blemish, holy and pure. Church denominations and independent churches are definitely not included.

Loyalty to Country

The bible says submit to the governing authorities, but there are powerful instances in the bible when God required allegiance to him when there was conflict between him and the authorities. Which means we have to rely on his present spoken Word (the Now Word) on this matter. Peter and the apostles said they "would rather obey God than men" when they were prohibited by the Sanhedrin from preaching about Jesus [Acts 5.29].

Jeremiah was tasked to preach against his own country, urging the government to surrender to King Nebuchadnezzar than to fight him. And Rahab the prostitute from Jericho was told to betray her country and hide two enemy spies which led to the downfall of Jericho.

Thus, instead of loyalty to country, we should be faithful to what God tells us.

Loyalty to Your Discipler

Be obedient to your discipler or father in faith, but don't be loyal. The prophet Samuel was obedient to Eli the priest who served as his "discipler" for a while. But when God judged Eli, Samuel had to side with God and pronounce God's judgment on him. Though the Pharisees were the acknowledged religious leaders in Jesus' time (even he said so), Jesus told his disciples to leave them because they were blind guides. Any guide that is blind, we should leave.

Loyalty to Politicians

Only fools do so. Submit to the authorities (uphold the Constitution) but NOT politicians. Most politicians serve their benefactors or sponsors, not the country or citizenry--though they're skilled to look like they do. Most are deceptive manipulators. They're all the same (pro administration or the opposition) and this is so unfortunate. During elections, I try to choose the lesser evils. We have no choice.

We support the right things they do once they are in power but we should call attention to their wrongs (or criticize them). We do not rebel or take part in any destabilization, but neither should we be blind to their errors, corruption and atrocities.

Only God and truth deserve our unswerving loyalty.

Do Kids Really Need More Homeworks?

Pixabay

Zero assignments? Really?

It has been a serious debate both locally and abroad whether grade schoolers should be given less or more homework on weekends to learn better. In fact, the matter has taken weighty proportions lately that some quarters are clamoring for local education authorities to take radical steps at lessening—if not utterly ditching—weekend homework as they do in Finland, Japan and South Korea where pupils excel academically by world standards even with less (or no) homework.

I hope they'd thought of this in my grade school years. Too late for me now.

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Consequently, the Department of Education (DEPED) issued Memo 392 to this effect which was justified by former DEPED Secretary Armin Luistro as a measure to allow school kids enough time for playing and family bonding. The education secretary in the 1970s should've thought of this, too. Old school of thought on this issue maintains that in the past, school children had more time for play after school and yet had higher literacy rate. Yeah. I mean, people then were good at grammar and math even if they were just elementary grads. And play “is an essential part of every child’s life and is vital for the enjoyment of childhood as well as social, emotional, intellectual and physical development,” according to PlayEngland.Org.Uk.

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On the other hand, more-homework advocates point to remarkable results in Singapore, Shanghi in China, and Russia where kids spend from 9 to more than 13 hours weekly for homework [Quartz, qz.com], especially Singapore where kids face up to not just 9 hours of homework but very strict study disciplines as well. I'm just glad I wasn't a Singaporean kid. I mean, why 9 hours for homework? WHY?

But how true and proven are these theories and how effective are they? Have they done formal studies on these assumptions? Particularly, what did DEPED base Memo 392 on? Did it do surveys and sample surveys in strategic places in the country or did it simply adopt new homework trends abroad? We have this fondness for imitating anything we see from abroad, like extending school years, K-to-12, the idea of incorporating Korean language into the curriculum and all that crap.

In light of Memo 392, I think several schools have started trying out the lesser homework policy as a kind of experimental study. Consequently, this needs to be examined and evaluated to ascertain how effective it really is before adopting it as a permanent feature of the school’s curriculum.

The exercise may offer some relief to all parties concerned—teachers, parents and especially the pupils—but what would its effect be, especially in the long term? Would less homework result to better learning? Would that premise be effective to our local setting and culture? The effect needs to be measured.

How about the idea of giving more homework? Some teachers maintain that homework is the heart of learning. It further propels learning results in pupils, and added homework, they claim, can challenge them to push a bit further beyond their limits, improving their learning capacity. Really? If so, then why did I end up way below average after elementary? To me, more homework just robbed me of time for play and TV.

If there would be any study on this, the scope should cover some results on how the family and social life of the subjects are affected during the experiment. Do they actually have more time for play and family bonding, and does having time for these things really improve the pupils’ overall development, especially academically?

Scolding Without Getting Angry and Anger without Hatred

I just scolded a stray cat without being angry at him. I have come to like this cat who often hangs out beside our front porch watching over us, especially at night. I feed him and call him Dr. Strange (the cat's a nonjoiner like me). Scolding often does involve anger but it doesn't have to. You may scold without anger. And I think Dr. Strange knows it. He keeps coming back and liking us. [Photo above from Fu Yong Hua, Unsplash].

It's vital in parenting. You should "master" scolding your kids often without getting angry. Yeah, I show my kids I'm quite serious when I scold them--even raise my voice in the process--but there's no anger inside me. And my kids know it. They get warned and yet feel free to approach me, even right after my scolding. However, they know it when I get really angry, and it's what they try hard to avoid triggering in me.

Seldom get angry. Especially, don't let your kids get used to seeing you angry. Familiarity often breeds contempt. Sooner or later you'd see yourself contemptuously ignored. It's something like how people living near busy and noisy highways don't seem to get bothered by them anymore. While you do because you're not used to it. It's also why some people still get run over by trains even if approaching trains make loud noises. They're used to the noise and don't pay attention.

Remember, man's anger does not bring about God's righteousness, says James. Do get angry but only for a moment--make sure its gone sometime before the sun sets. Frequent anger does not instill fear in your children. It builds scorn and disrespect. So how do you make your kids fear you? Simple--show them an exemplary life--a righteous life. Especially you, dad.

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My kids openly tell us during bonding moments how they see me living a right life with God, so they dare not spoil that relationship by making me angry. They know how I value my relationship with God. I very seldom get angry with them--I just lightly scold them now and then. But they have awesome fear of me. And they also fear their mom because of that--they know how much I love her.

And partly, they know how tough I am. I'm a 5th dan blackbelt in Filipino martial arts streefighting and a member of Tau Gamma Phi where I was recruited as a solo batch, with the alias "Cobra." It does so much for kids' respect when they know their dad is really tough but also kind, meek, quiet, gentle and very patient--seldom gets angry. I attribute it to God's mysterious enabling grace.

Yup, it's all by grace.

And it's powerfully possible to get angry without hatred. This is what a lot of people do not understand. They think anger is hatred, so they believe getting angry is bad. It isn't. In fact, God told us to get angry. "Be angry and sin not," says Ephesians 4.26. You see those two words? BE ANGRY. Because you often need to. And it's not bad because God allows you to. I get angry a lot of times. Often, I rather not show it (and just talk it off alone with God), but sometimes I do.

It only becomes bad if it's tied up to two things--hatred and ego.

Hatred is wrath and extreme, often intending ill will, like harm, punishment or death. Don't let your anger go that far. Often, prolonged anger gets a foothold and grows in you, mutating into hatred, so God warns us not to let it stay till sunset. So you have 24 hours to stay angry, more or less (hehe). But if you stay angry, then overstress comes and a deadly chemical reaction happens in your body, increasing free radicals and weakening your immune system. Then you get so sick. You also get cranky and rotten.

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But mind you--hatred is not always bad. God himself "hates all who do wrong." [Psalm 5.5]. He hated Esau but loved Jacob even when they hadn't done anything good or bad. I call this holy hatred or wrath--the kind that does not intend harm, punishment or death but extreme warning. But God can also inflict punishment or death. God is love but he can also hate--because his hate is his love. So God sends the wicked to hell because he loves them. He didn't put them there because he loved to. He put them there because it had been their wish all along. They loved sin and hated repentance so God (in his love) gave them what they wanted. 

This is also why sometimes you find yourself hating the wicked and arrogant though you live a righteous life--and you get confused. So you try to deny the feeling and claim you're just angry with them, not really hate them. But deep inside there's hatred and you wonder why. Then you try to repent secretly, but it just wouldn't go away.

You know why? Because it's holy hatred. It's supposed to be there. Holy hatred is really love. And God allows it so you can translate the wrath he feels for mortal men who understand nothing of God and his spiritual realms. All they understand is the flesh. So you demo God's hatred to them. But you should be careful not to abuse it and express the world's hatred instead. There should be love.

A lot of anointed men of God abuse this and go all out hating sinners. The worse thing is, they claim it's sin they hate, not the sinner. So they end up lying. At times you hate just the sin, at times you hate both sin and sinner. Be sure you're led by the Holy Spirit in this, not led by your flesh. And it's easy to know if you're merely led by your flesh--there's a hurt ego in you. A hurt spoiled brat. I hate spoiled brats like that and I never join them in spirit. I'm a nonjoiner.

Consider these passages below. Righteousness can make you hate wrong and also the people who do wrong:

To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech. [Proverbs 8.13]

I hate those who regard vain idols, But I trust in the LORD. [Psalm 31.6]

I behold the treacherous and loathe them, because they do not keep Your word. [Psalm 119.158]

Do I not hate those who hate You, O LORD? And do I not loathe those who rise up against You? I hate them with the utmost hatred; They have become my enemies. [Psalm 139.21-22]

Again, this does not mean hatred as the world hates--or even anger as the world gets angry. Remember, man's anger (which is also how the world gets angry--with a hurt ego) does not result to God's righteousness. It should be God's anger and hatred. Jonah hated Nineveh and wanted God to destroy it. God did not get angry with him--HE simply explained why HE needed to give Nineveh a second chance. What Jonah had was God's wrath, but God helped him balance it with love. So he preached and told Nineveh to repent or else get destroyed in 40 days.

That's God's hatred with love. If they hadn't repented, God would've destroyed them in his wrath.

Old School Thinking That's Really New

Old schools always have an air of mystery and authority about them, like the University of Sto. Tomas. While new schools are always exciting to see. But I'm not talking about them. I'm referring to schools of thought or various perspectives coming from various persuasions often colliding against each other in a battle for supremacy, which is a waste of time.

Photo by Anton Sukhinov on Unsplash.

 

Like "old school," which means the traditional way of thinking, as opposed to the other thought which they say is "new school" or the current way of thinking--and which is supposed to be better. Most old folks used to old ways claim old school is superior. But the quality of a thought system is really never about its oldness or newness but its effectiveness, practicality and conformity to God's Word in the bible, to me that is.

Like in teaching. A new school of thought believes in being so informal and intimate with pupils or students so that teachers act like their peers. Classroom management is simplified into a "barkadahan" system, and it seems effective because the kids really open up and express themselves fully without inhibitions. They say old-school formalities serve only to restrain kids' free self expression.

But discipline goes out the window in a system like that. 

Yeah, the kids love the teacher dearly as an intimate friend, but that culture brings some adverse effects at home. Kids begin to treat their parents similarly--almost like their equals--to the extent that sometimes parents bargain or compromise with them to get them to obey. Parents end up explaining (or justifying) everything before the kids obey, the rule becoming that if something could not be justified to the child, it becomes null and void.

Biblical parenting to me is exactly how the bible says it is--and which often makes it sound like old school. That (strangely) is what makes it new school--simply because God's Word never grows old or obsolete. Like his steadfast love, his Word is "new every morning." And God's love is always parental, never peer-like. Even if HE is our Friend, HE is never just our peer. He loves as a Father to His children. That love comes new each morning.

Remember, the bible says we ought to imitate God. So parenting to me is parental, not peer-to-peer. Kind-of old school. So should school teaching be. An element of friendship is good but never as peers.

As far as God's Word is concerned, proper parenting is never peer-friend treatment or "barkadahan." It is always an authority-figure-to-his-or-her-child relationship, with love and discipline as the driving force between them, the thing that makes it work. Because teachers are our kids' second parents, the same should go inside the classroom.

Once discipline and respect are taken out, all hell breaks lose, no matter how good things look in the beginning. Most people go by looks. It looks good and effective but they never foresee the end result. Peer-friend treatment gradually raises up a disrespectful generation, almost unnoticeable, until it becomes too late for any remedy. Parents (or teachers) should always be seen as authority figures. 

And sometimes the authority should be a bit despotic. Not too much, but just a little bit. Like when kids must obey orders even if they do not understand why. Parents should not bargain or beg to be obeyed. Neither should they explain things first before they are obeyed. Isaac, at 13, didn't ask why Abraham put him on an altar as burnt offering. You can see here how Isaac was brought up. He didn't refuse or protest even when everything seemed to be going wrong.

And Jesus. He willingly accepted being sent by the Father as a sacrifice for our sins--emptying himself of heavenly privileges as King--even if it was none of his fault. It's an "old school" Kingdom principle--children obey your parents "in everything" for this pleases the Lord, says Colossians 3.20. Kids are not to reason out and justify their reluctance to obey or insist on having things adequately explained to them before they'd comply.

The prodigal son got things his own way but his older brother "enslaved" himself to his father, "and never disobeyed your orders," [Luke 15 29]. Yeah, he may have missed the point a bit when his father gave his younger brother a chance, but he was easy to deal with. He was quick to comply. He was an ideal son. Yes, he was quite keen about fairness and reasoned about it, but he also easily gave in to the workings of mercy and grace to those who erred. God put this detail in the story to show us how proper parenting is--what is genuine new-school parenting in His Kingdom.

Okay I admit. Applying "enslaving" obedience in parenting can be easily abused by some parents, but the bible is balanced with "fathers do not provoke (or embitter) your children so they won't be discouraged." We cannot rate God's way of parenting simply as "too prone to abuse," and dismiss it as thus. God will never prescribe anything harmful. It only becomes harmful when we don't use it with God's heart and mind.

Preachers mostly tend to highlight the prodigal son and the grace given him for a second chance. It's a given, of course, but we must never overlook the enabling grace given the older son, which is equally important, if not more. Church has been highlighting the grace of being forgiven and muffling the enabling grace that makes us radically and unquestioningly obedient to God. This is why we see a weak and pampered generation of young people in our midst, easily lured back to the meat and spices of Egypt.

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Why Kids Haven't Changed

Kids are the same no matter what generation they're in. They haven't changed, really. My apo played with a neighborhood kid last Saturday and at once I saw how I and my childhood friend Arturo had played when we were kids. I saw the same patterns and behaviors. [Image above from Robert Collins@robbie36, Unsplash.]

But they always say kids today are different from what kids were back then. Then they say a litany of negatives about kids today and another list in favor of kids in the past, particularly in my time or earlier. But really, what changed is not kids but parenting. I've thought of this about two or three years ago and considered writing about it but procrastinated, until I saw someone else write about it recently. And I couldn't agree more.

Kids are raised up differently today and there's something not right about it somewhere. The error in modern parenting is primarily this--most parents today vow to spare their kids of the hardships they experienced when they were kids. Another thing (and connected to this) is some parents' drive to make their kids number one.

Kids will always be kids--loving play time, excited about adventures, exploring things, doing things themselves, running and climbing, asking questions, eager to learn, eager to try, and spending time studying lessons (when there's nothing more important to do). I've been a school administrator and I observe kids to be the same in any generation. I still see my own childhood in them when I watch them.

Click here for more on the video above.

They're only made different by today's parenting.

When I was a kid, my dad let me join camping in forests and playing what sports I wanted. I was allowed to get rugged and dirty and hurt. It was nothing when I fell badly from my bike or got bruised from a sport. I was allowed to try things without my parents always watching and keeping me safe from harm (or without them always complaining to the school about how some kids had treated me bad). Today, a kid gets his uniform stained and his parents take him to the doctor at once--or complain at the school office. I'm just exaggerating, but I often see something like this. We pamper them and their pain tolerance gets negatively affected, especially when they grow up.

What would happen to them in teenage or young adult life when we're not around anymore to rescue them from troubles? We should allow them to learn to cope up by themselves. We guide and advice, but they should learn things themselves, especially on coping up, surviving and relating with other people.

As a grade schooler, I learned how to handle bullying from other kids by myself (I was a small kid prone to bullying). I learned to psychologize bullies and defend myself. That helped me manage myself well as I grew up and went to college and worked in offices--without my parents rescuing me from harm.

Scouting was about learning to survive in the woods with just a few essential provisions and scouting tools in hand. Today, parents buy their kids all sorts of groceries and junk food to take to camping, and even make sure they do not forget their pillows and pajamas and teddy bears. Sometimes they have a yaya (nanny) to assist them during camping and carry their bags for them.

We went to school field trips alone and were trained to behave properly. My batch started going to field trips all by ourselves since grade two. But today, parents accompany their kids to field trips and join them wander and loiter around and get lost.

And school projects. My dad or mom NEVER did any of my school projects for me. Very few kids today can make Christmas lanterns (parol framed with bamboo sticks) or kites by themselves. Among projects we did as grade schoolers (I started having projects in grade 3) were leather wallets, door mats, piggy banks made of coconut shells, dustpans and native brooms, and a number of artistic posters. We managed our own vegetable gardens at school and harvested crops we grew ourselves.

I believe that if given a chance, kids today can do the same things, too. I've seen some of them do projects on their own and succeeded. Once, I handled the boy scouts in our school and taught them real discipline and they got it. I taught them how to do art projects right there in their classrooms and they did them well. This is why I don't believe in take-home projects or homeworks. They should do things by themselves at school.

Finally, studying lessons. I started studying lessons by myself when I was in grade 4. Mom helped me a lot (in every detail) when I was in kinder till I was in grade 3. But from grade 4 onward I was given independence, and it worked. And I see how a lot of kids today want the same independence, but their moms won't let them because their moms want them to top the exams.

It isn't bad to help our kids with their studies, but only up to a certain age. If we keep helping them through the higher grade levels and even in high school, they will be lost in college. If we keep saving them from hardships we make them weak and too dependent. We over-help our kids because we hate seeing them suffer, but which our parents never did to us and which made us strong.

Some kids can be number one. We may challenge our kids about this, but it's better to let them grow and develop at their own pace. Often, being top in class or getting awards doesn't mean anything. Being top doesn't always mean you're the best in class. Often, it only means your talents have been honed a bit while others are still doing other things they feel are more important than being top in class. What they call late bloomers.

Nope, kids haven't changed. They're still excited to tackle things by themselves.

Why We're More Disciplined Abroad Than At Home

Guilherme Cunha @guiccunha

It's a phenomenon why we Pinoys are disciplined when living abroad but not when we're in the Philippines. It's there but we can't seem to explain exactly why. Well, I think I can.

It's obviously because of better career prospects in foreign countries, especially developed ones, that we're tamer there than in ours. We don't want to miss good opportunities which we deem more probable abroad than at home. Here in the Philippines, losing jobs is not that serious because of the low pay we get from them. Yeah we get upset when we're laid off or fired, but so what? We didn't really lose a lot and we always have a ready fall back--our family. Immediate family support keeps us resilient during unemployment.

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And so with following rules, regulations and laws which most people take for granted because they see how most authorities don't take them seriously anyway. Why don't the latter take them seriously? Because of the low pay. It's the lack of lucrative opportunities. So they resort to corruption to live beyond their means and have some stability in the future. Anyway, there are ways to circumvent laws so easily. And almost no one's really punished for breaking them. So no one's paying attention about discipline.

Where there's corruption like that, there's terrible lack of discipline. You get away with breaking the law by bribing your way to freedom or living above the law. Or simply smiling at your misdemeanor. Or walking away nonchalantly from troubles you caused, like how hired tandem killers do it. When these are rampant, who wants to take anything seriously? So discipline is thrown out the window.

You don't do these things abroad because you don't want bad record or reputation to ruin your opportunities. And you know you're in trouble with the authorities the moment you screw up with the law. So it's often about the prospect to make more money plus seeing how serious the government is with law enforcement. And being away from family. Where these are obvious, we manage to be disciplined.

A fourth reason is our fondness for foreigners or anything foreign. Some call it colonial mentality, some call it politeness or hospitality. We're so enthralled by foreigners, especially their height, that we marvel just seeing them around. I was once walking in Divisoria with my wife's niece and her huge American husband and everywhere we were people's eyes were glued to him like he was a Hollywood celebrity. We love to please foreigners and by that they think we're friendly. Well, in a sense we are, but sometimes it has lots to do with one's nationality.

There's a fourth reason. Our brand of camaraderie. Filipinos are often known to keep good friendship at all cost. We sometimes wonder why our kids behave lots better when they're at their friends' homes than when they're at their own homes. They're more polite and helpful, for instance. More ready to do chores. But at home they're unabashedly displaying odd behaviors and laziness. One reason is feeling homey. They can be themselves because they're around family. The same when Pinoys work diligently abroad but lackadaisical when in the Philippines.

But native camaraderie more often than not makes them behave better. They don't want to ruin good friendships so they take care not to mar good relationships in any way. When they're at their friends' house they cooperate more and are readier to lend a hand. But when at home they're often unreliable and just love idling around. Because they see family as "permanent"--it will remain intact no matter what happens. While friendly relationships are fragile and need careful handling.

There was this young guy who came to our place and helped us a lot with our family projects--gardening, carpentry, cooking, etc. He seemed a very fine young man, very helpful, courteous and respectful with his manners. When I mentioned it to his dad, he frowned and could not believe it. "My boy? Nice and hard working? You must be talking of another kid!" he said. Filipino camaraderie works like that.

And here's a factor we often miss. When someone visits us at home, we tend to treat him well---like talking to him sweetly and nicely and serving him good lunch or dinner. Filipino hospitality. So he feels special and thinks, "Hey they're a really nice family! They're nice to me. I like them!" He grows fond of us and shows us good treatment, too. So we see him at his best. We see him as a "nice kid." Back home, he gets the usual treatment. No nice talk and delicious dinner. I mean, we talk naturally when we're with family and often this means no sweet icing on the cake. We love each other but we talk with honest faces, words and tone of voice. We get scolded upfront. We shout. We tease and fight. We etcetera.

And with dinner---mom often cooks what's within budget and that usually means a not-so-special meal. Good but not that special. Right? No wonder then that we become "nice" when we're at our friend's house. In college I always ate "properly" when in my classmate's house and his parents thought I was a nice young man. Of course, back home, I was not as nice. I ate properly, but not that properly. Why is this? Camaraderie with my classmate. Regular life at home.

The same when working abroad and locally. We perform better abroad because we treasure our new-found work relationships there and like to keep them a long time. Not for anything else but job camaraderie. Well, okay---we might add to it the high pay. Better pay plus camaraderie equals good showmanship. Here at home, we also love the work relationships we have but kind of take them for granted at times because employment is often unrewarding. Pay-wise, that is.

Last reason is reputation. We criticize Filipinos when they're disciplined in other countries but not in theirs. Well, the change is due to patriotism, like it or not. They do their best to change themselves to give us all a good name abroad. They want foreigners to say good things about us. The same way why your teenager behaves well when in another house and not as well when in his or her own house. It's to save the family's reputation. Maintain a good name. And maintain honor to his or her dad and mom.

There's a Ghost in the House

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I was home at 6 pm one day and found it empty. Everyone was still at their respective schools. I entered the front door and quietly closed it behind me. Then I thought something or someone moved upstairs--the wooden floor creaked like someone was walking on it. Was Jonats already home? Or Jas? Carefully I called out. Nothing. An intruder?

I remembered reserving a big slice of chocolate mousse in the fridge and a glass of vanilla ice cream in the freezer. I didn't eat my share last night so I could have it today after a hectic, tiring day out. But when I opened the fridge--lo and behold--nothing there but the empty glass and plate the ice cream and cake had been on.

Somebody messed with my desserts. Turn loneliness to laughter. Click here.

Later, when everyone was in, I asked them who took my desserts. No one pleaded guilty. They all claimed absolute innocence--and with matching guiltless faces. Odd. Then what happened to my cake and ice cream? Disappeared in thin air? Beamed up by extra-terrestrials? Eaten by the fridge? Stolen by the syndicate of rats I sometimes see around? Or was it an intruder? Suddenly, I had a funny feeling about it. I was feeling nervous. Scared, actually.

A ghost? Seriously? Eating ice cream and mousse?

Actually, I and my wife have been noticing some weird happenings at home lately. Some things and gadgets suddenly missing, eerie noises, strange soft chuckles somewhere upstairs, used glasses and plates left on the dining table without anyone using them, electric fans left running, empty water pitchers and bottles left on the sink unrefilled, faucets left open with copious water gushing out from them, whole bath soaps soaked in the toilet bowl, toothpaste left on the toilet flush water closet, my clean socks gone from my cabinet and later mysteriously found soiled and smelly in some corner of the garage.

And none of our sons admitted ever using or even "touching" them. "I wonder," I told them once in the tone Sherlock Holmes might use when investigating, "how my shirt ended up in the dirty basket without me using it. I mean, I just washed them yesterday." Then I looked at my sons. They quickly shook their heads in outright denial and simultaneously said, "Not me."

No question about it, then. A paranormal activity in the house. Probably a poltergeist or something. It probably explains the strange sounds I hear upstairs when I'm alone. Or the doors swinging open even without any wind blowing. Or why my razor or rubber shoes suddenly disappear. Yup, there must be a ghost in the house somewhere.

One happy family evening, when we were gathered round the dinner table, I jokingly mentioned about the table often being left unkempt and greasy and the glasses and plates left unwashed. "Yeah, you wash them when it's your turn," I pointed out, "but you don't do it immediately after dinner. You leave it lying like that for hours before you wash them. That's not good habit, boys."

"I never do that, dad!" my youngest immediately replied. "I always immediately wash them on my watch!" My eldest also defended himself.

So I looked at my wife. "Then it must be the ghost again!" I blurted out. My wife laughed knowingly. "Yeah, that ghost is getting a bit too much!" she second the motion. Our boys tried to look innocent but you could see how they knew what we're getting at.

I know when our boys are telling a lie or when they just assume things wrongly and later realize how they've been in error all along. Boys and girls growing up and needing to learn a lot more things about life assume they're doing things right until you correct them--and you have to do so gently. I often do it jestingly to keep a positive atmosphere at home--which is important if you want your millennials to listen to you (and respect you).

But sometimes I make them see their wrong with a measure of anger when it's something serious. They don't like it when I'm angry--though they very seldom see me that way. And when I get angry, I don't get angry all day. The bible tells me so. Remember, familiarity breeds contempt. If they always see you angry and become used to it, you'd become ineffective. And you wouldn't like that.

Does the "ghost" in the house still make a mess? Well, yes, but often with reservations. They learn a lot, to be sure, but as adolescents they will remain adolescents. Millennials will remain millennials until it's God's time for them to grow up a bit more and become wiser. You have to learn to work with God, and this often requires patience. And the waiting works for both your kids and you. Trust me.

Feeling Like a Loser Since Childhood

Train up a child in the way he should go, says the bible. Demolishing low self-esteem in kids then should start in childhood--in fact, before there isn't anything to demolish yet. The idea is build up. Some experts say on or before age 6, or the first 7 years of childhood. So, you expose your kids to positive discussions and emotions. You listen when they talk. You make them happy. Most of all, you make them feel loved. Basic, isn't it? I mean, we all know this.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash.

 
But what if they already have low self-esteem? If it has set in? What if your kid is not just shy but really feels inferior like I did as a kid? You want to know the difference? Shy is when the kid is just hesitant to showoff because he feels there's no need to. But inferior is when the kid thinks he's a loser and fears rejection. He feels everything he does and is is of inferior quality.  Demolishing low self-esteem in kids at this point is not anymore about training kids while they're young or building them up. It's more the culture they grow up in.

Click image for details.

Usually, we think it started when once upon a time the kid felt unloved or neglected--when he wasn't given enough attention--and all that drama. He felt less important, we might add. Well, probably. But it's not the lack of attention that started it but the incidences of comparison. The times when the kid was not allowed to enjoy his uniqueness, his individuality, but was compared with other kids--with him often at the losing end.

And the thing was repeated and reinforced. The repetition may not be successive but if it happens a lot, then it becomes embedded in the memory systems of the mind and emotions. Cellular memory. To catch up with cellular memory click here to see the article.

To counter this trend, parents and teachers need to be in on the solution. It should be a teamwork, something that looks like this video. Click here. And yes, demolishing low self-esteem in kids needs trained actions from adults---parents and teachers and other parties concerned. It's not the kids you train anymore; it's the adults. Often, the kids take the blame, so they need to be "trained." Well, in most cases, not really.

And I'm glad adults don't need to attend seminars for this. They can get the training online, right in their homes and at the time convenient for them. They can get it from this video, in fact. While kids are in childhood, the wrong emotions and self-consciousness can still be dealt with. Waiting till they're teenagers is often too late. We all know this for a fact. But often we need to be reminded. Adolescence is when they're most confused about a lot of things. And often, they think they don't need help.

However, training up a child in the way he should go doesn't guarantee flawless results. Yes, when he is old he will not depart from it, but he or she will slip now and then. That's for sure. But the good thing is, though they slip into error, they will always go back to the right path--they will not depart entirely--if they'd been trained right. And I'm talking of both the kid and the adult.

Who wrote that proverb anyway? King Solomon did in the bible. "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." But what happened to him? Despite his training from his father, King David (and from God), he departed from righteousness when he was old. He married a lot of unbelievers and worshiped their idols, 1,000 of them.

But in Ecclesiastes, we see him repented, particularly in chapter 12. He detoured but he went back.

What's the lesson in this? Well, we all have to be prepared in demolishing low self-esteem in kids because kids are bound to experience it in varying degrees. And they need us to stand by and give support. So we need to be trained--all of us, not just as counselors or coaches or parents, but as mere adults. This training is important to all parents and adults and teachers.

So, check it out here.

On Punishing Delinquent Street Kids

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We're undecided as a nation whether to punish lawless street kids or not. I mean, yeah there's a newly passed law on this but there's a growing clamor to review or revise it to consider a stricter one that would require a more telling punishment than just being kept in some haven or youth center. That's aside from lowering the age of criminal liability.

Okay, what if we make a harsher punishment? Like really imprisoning them in a jail cell separate from adult and hardened criminals? Plus making them taste a measure of prison hardship, like cleaning toilets, manual gardening, strict military discipline and the like. Problem is, where is that prison cell exclusively for kids located? Is it available now? And how many are they? Will they accommodate everyone?

So, because there is no such cell in existence at the moment, are we just going to make do with havens for delinquent kids where they're cared and pampered for more than taught hard lessons that will make them think 10 times the next time they decide on doing mischief? Is it really enough just to talk them out of it? On the other hand, is severe punishment also effective for their sure transformation?

This wouldn't be much of a problem if it's just a case of small theft or minor damage to property. But we see kids involved in the sale of illicit drugs, robbing public vehicles big time in broad daylight, and even juvenile rape! How do you deal with that? Interventions? What do they mean? Make them stand in a corner? Tell them how bad they'd been and then let them go? Make them write 50 times that they wouldn't do it again? Make them undergo counselling sessions?

If we're going to be honest, the problem does seem impossible, doesn't it? So we turn on the parents instead. They should be made responsible for the mischief or crime of their kids. I like this approach, but what are we going to do with the parents? Jail them? Would that do the delinquent kids any good? Will they change because they got their parents incarcerated for their foolishness? And with their parents in jail, who would look after them?

Okay, the church, at this point would come in and offer spiritual remedies. But how are churches actually doing these days? How are their youth members and families? I mean, is the church exemplary at handling their own flock? Or are they also plagued with similar problems, if not worse? Any broken marriages or families in their own membership, any prodigal sons and daughters? Jesus was clear when he said we ought to get rid of the plank of wood blocking our eyes before we try to remove the small speck of dust in other people's eyes.

I love the church option, offering spiritual solutions to juvenile delinquency. I'm sure it's going to work, but it should all be within the framework of the Gospel. Because if we do this with wrong motives--like targeting them for the mega plans of our church or denomination instead of doing it purely for Godly reasons--then we mess up everything. Yeah, we may appear successful, but really, we're not.

So, how do we settle this issue?

Well, for one, I'm sure pointing fingers is NOT the answer--except perhaps (I said "perhaps") in a certain measure, like blaming negligent parents. At times it's okay to look for someone to blame because somebody must assume responsibility, or else, people would just do irresponsible things and get away with it. Imagine all of us doing that.

But parents sometimes are not entirely at fault here, because I know parents who did everything to raise their kids right but failed nonetheless. It happens. Proverbs said train up a child in the way he should go, but Solomon later departed from the right way and married 700 wives and had 300 concubines--worshiping all their different idols.

See?

Well, Proverbs was proved right in the end because Solomon later concluded:

Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind. 14 For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil. [Ecclesiastes 12]

So, how do we solve the present juvenile delinquency crisis? Well, like Julie Andrews said, let's start at the very beginning--a very good place to start. We start with the family, especially while kids are still, well, kids. Tots. Right at the very beginning. And this is not so much the responsibility of government or church. This is more (or solely?) the parents' department.

Solomon did err, but it looked like the training he got as a kid from his parents did stick with him in the end. So the key is the parents. See?