Feeling Like a Loser Since Childhood

Train up a child in the way he should go, says the bible. Demolishing low self-esteem in kids then should start in childhood--in fact, before there isn't anything to demolish yet. The idea is build up. Some experts say on or before age 6, or the first 7 years of childhood. So, you expose your kids to positive discussions and emotions. You listen when they talk. You make them happy. Most of all, you make them feel loved. Basic, isn't it? I mean, we all know this.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash.

 
But what if they already have low self-esteem? If it has set in? What if your kid is not just shy but really feels inferior like I did as a kid? You want to know the difference? Shy is when the kid is just hesitant to showoff because he feels there's no need to. But inferior is when the kid thinks he's a loser and fears rejection. He feels everything he does and is is of inferior quality.  Demolishing low self-esteem in kids at this point is not anymore about training kids while they're young or building them up. It's more the culture they grow up in.

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Usually, we think it started when once upon a time the kid felt unloved or neglected--when he wasn't given enough attention--and all that drama. He felt less important, we might add. Well, probably. But it's not the lack of attention that started it but the incidences of comparison. The times when the kid was not allowed to enjoy his uniqueness, his individuality, but was compared with other kids--with him often at the losing end.

And the thing was repeated and reinforced. The repetition may not be successive but if it happens a lot, then it becomes embedded in the memory systems of the mind and emotions. Cellular memory. To catch up with cellular memory click here to see the article.

To counter this trend, parents and teachers need to be in on the solution. It should be a teamwork, something that looks like this video. Click here. And yes, demolishing low self-esteem in kids needs trained actions from adults---parents and teachers and other parties concerned. It's not the kids you train anymore; it's the adults. Often, the kids take the blame, so they need to be "trained." Well, in most cases, not really.

And I'm glad adults don't need to attend seminars for this. They can get the training online, right in their homes and at the time convenient for them. They can get it from this video, in fact. While kids are in childhood, the wrong emotions and self-consciousness can still be dealt with. Waiting till they're teenagers is often too late. We all know this for a fact. But often we need to be reminded. Adolescence is when they're most confused about a lot of things. And often, they think they don't need help.

However, training up a child in the way he should go doesn't guarantee flawless results. Yes, when he is old he will not depart from it, but he or she will slip now and then. That's for sure. But the good thing is, though they slip into error, they will always go back to the right path--they will not depart entirely--if they'd been trained right. And I'm talking of both the kid and the adult.

Who wrote that proverb anyway? King Solomon did in the bible. "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." But what happened to him? Despite his training from his father, King David (and from God), he departed from righteousness when he was old. He married a lot of unbelievers and worshiped their idols, 1,000 of them.

But in Ecclesiastes, we see him repented, particularly in chapter 12. He detoured but he went back.

What's the lesson in this? Well, we all have to be prepared in demolishing low self-esteem in kids because kids are bound to experience it in varying degrees. And they need us to stand by and give support. So we need to be trained--all of us, not just as counselors or coaches or parents, but as mere adults. This training is important to all parents and adults and teachers.

So, check it out here.