Avoid Ebbing Old Age for Better Social Life

Having coffee with my dad one morning, he told me about senior years. This was his take: 

Aged wine rings a nice bell to us who appreciate wines. "Do you drink?" my dad asked. (Before I could say anything, he went on). I still do, on special occasions and after heavy meat dinners. Aids digestion. I love red wine and other fruit wines. I recommend mangosteen and strawberry. Oh and yeah, some sips of cold beer, too.

Photo by Laura Margarita Cedeño Peralta on Unsplash.

(I remember my friend and college batchmate, Jun, recommends a small measure of rhum in coffee. Does wonders, he says. Haven't tried it yet. Tomorrow, probably).

(Dad went on). Anyway, human aging is supposed to be like aging wine--getting better as the years pass. I call it graceful aging. It's by God's grace, mind you. You get wiser and smarter (they say wise is better than smart. I say they go hand in hand as you age), more disciplined and patient, quieter, more broadminded, happier, simpler and obviously more contented. Humbler, most importantly. All the positives in their comparative degree. Life is supposed to have taught you well. In Tagalog, "merong pinagka-tandaan."

But there's the complete opposite, which I call ebbing old age. Your character traits are also in the comparative degree but all negative. Crankier, grumpier, more impatient, more unruly, incredibly more narrow-minded, more toxic, nosier, more miserable, more complicated, harder to please, demanding more attention, and becoming more arrogant, especially. Sometimes, more sexually malicious even (dad frowned as he said that). A difficult person to the nth degree. 

In Tagalog, it's "tumatanda ng pa-urong," or "pasaway. Old people who've gained a lot of head knowledge, seen a lot, and yet learned nothing. "It's not senility, dementia, or anything like that," dad emphasized. It's character and moral decline. Old folks having second childhood experience are better off than they are, dad opined. You may have dementia and yet be the sweetest person on earth. On the flip side, you may be free from memory loss and yet accumulate nothing mentally but negative vibes. 

"Walang pinagka-tandaan," dad added after sipping his coffee.

"How do you stay out of it?" I asked. 

He said this:

Nothing beats the bible when it comes to character and attitude molding. Personality development. Live by the good life patterns you see in the bible. I'm not saying be more religious or churchy. Religion and church often are the culprits. You'd find the worst hypocrisy there. Not all of them, though, mind you. The thing is to study the bible and ask God to guide you. He will. He's the Author of graceful aging, so you'd be sure to get his kind response and help. Nothing arrogant or pompous about him. He longs to help. 

Now, don't get me wrong. Just because you read the bible, doesn't mean you age gracefully. It depends on how you take God's Word. Is the bible mere history to you? Just stories? Records? Philosophy? Something you can critique, appraise, find fault with, deprecate, or judge the way you do other books? Then, like ebbing old age, all you get is head knowledge and yet learn nothing.

But if you see it as God's own Word, believe and confess it with your heart, and apply, then you're sure to age gracefully. In a gist, you become quieter, simpler, humbler and happier. 

Would You Rather be Hot or Cool?

Sometimes being cool makes you "hot." 

It's a fad today to be "hot" and sexy, meaning folks of the opposite gender easily find you physically attractive. "Cool" on the other hand is always being calm and relaxed, taking things easy. The majority probably want to be both but nonjoiners would rather be nonchalant. There's a new in-word for you, nonchalant. Nonchalant?

Photo by Ruthson Zimmerman on Unsplash.

Aside from being casually calm and relaxed, nonchalance means no sign of interest or enthusiasm. It's just that hot or cool--or fads in general--are no big deal to you. You don't care what most people go for or are crazy about. You just remain yourself or what good lessons in life have transformed you to be. You don't go by fads or trends, you go by what your own personal progress is.

Naturals

Some folks are naturally attractive and they can't help it. Even with the simplest looks, modest clothes and fine mannerism people see them "hot." And even when irritated or pissed off, some people look "cool" to other people, not anymore because of their nice looks but the reason for their irritability and how they handle or display it. Jesus was pissed off by money changers at the temple but still many of us find him cool. 

Why do they still look cool?

First, their general good character certainly overwhelms the few times they display irritability or anger. Their good persons make people easily forget their faults and idiosyncrasies. Second, genuinely good people carry a different aura that gives hints about their inner goodness even if they seem moody outwardly. You just sense it even if they look temperamental. And people with this personality are sure to be nonchalant about fads and trends. They just act their natural selves no matter what.

Hot Versus Cool

Being merely "hot" usually don't last if you lack coolness. Overstress and getting too affected by life's ups and downs will soon take their toll on your "hot" features, part of the wear-and-tear of aging, because lacking coolness increases free radical activities that greatly subtracts from your youth and "hot" qualities. Although age, they say, sometimes makes you "hotter." 

Being cool on the other hand, prolongs your youthful looks and good health in general due to reduced free radical damage and keeps you "hot" if indeed you look "hot." By the way, don't ever pretend to look hot if you're not. Some people exert hard efforts to look "hot," to no avail. But being cool makes you accept your utter lack of "hot" looks and in that way become "hot" in other people's eyes eventually. Hot is in the eyes of the beholder. 

Also, don't feign or pretend being cool because truth is bound to surface on its own very soon. And when you're exposed it's going to be hard trying to retain being cool any longer, much less, being hot. Trying-hards and wanna-be's easily lose their appeal (if any) and earn people's disdain.

Nonchalant

Just being yourself and unmoved by whatever fad or trend or "in" thing is in the world is the best personality option. You just don't care. Your only pursuit is to develop into the person God wants you be. And to many folks, sometimes that looks cool and even "sexy." But you don't opt for nonchalance to look sexy but to find and be your own true self. 

Being naturally nonchalant, I was saving money and buying books in high school and college when others my age were busy trying to look hot and sexy and cool when attending parties and meeting girls. I didn't care about any of these and I certainly wasn't just being sour grapes. I honestly enjoyed not being part of any of that. 😄

Then fresh out of college, I looked for a business to do. Well, I tried employment as majority of my colleagues did, but I hated doing a job and looked for an easy, low-capital business to do--which set me apart from my contemporaries. To them, doing a job was the cool thing to do and making lots of money with that was the hot thing. But I hated all that hard work. I was nonchalant about their jobs and high salaries. I wanted something different. Often, being different like that develops a strong personality, especially if you really pursue it.

When a Guy Offers You His Seat--and You're a Man

Way before my senior years, when I still applied hair color (I had white hair at 18), I was sometimes offered a seat on a bus. It was weird, but because I hated embarrasing the guy who offered, I took it, but not before I felt like strongly hesitating. But I decided to think of the guy's feelings first before mine. 

Photo above by Raymond Francisco on Unsplash.

It's somewhat awkward to be offered a seat in public vehicles. Especially if you're a man, still strong and capable and regularly training in martial arts. You think the seat giver deems you too weak or old. Sometimes, you're even insulted. Not anymore today, though, when even young girls are required to give their seats to seniors on MRT or LRT trains. 

But sometimes, I get carried away by my adult ego and silliness. So, instead of being grateful I sometimes smirk, feeling slighted. You try to stand up tall and upright--flex some muscles which I still have somehow--to show I'm not as senior as I look. I can have that stupid option, but thank God I manage not to anymore. What will I do without GOD?

George Sistonen

Let's go back in time. I often found myself in the situation. A nice young guy would see my white hair and conclude outright that I was a senior. I really appreciated young men like that and I had to take the offer gratefully even if I didn't deserve it. (It took me lots of mind-setting before I was able to do this).

Oh yeah, and there were young ladies, too, who did this for me. Gee, I don't know--did I look that old or did they just have a crush on me? 😅

I never explained myself, how I was not yet a senior citizen--how I still could manage and all that--because I didn't want to embarrass good kids just to save myself from looking old. My wife did, trying to spare me from the old-age stigma, but I believed a closer look at me spoke for itself. So, there it was, some nice young person offering me his or her seat, but when I moved to take the seat while the train was moving fast they realized I was not yet that senior. I could be Spiderman.

Sometimes, with my slightly athletic build they realize I don't deserve it. In fact, they need it more than I do. But it'd be too late by then. I already accepted the offer. I'd see them regret for a while (I see it written on their faces) but they recover quickly, sigh and look away, probably just thinking of nice, positive things instead of dwelling in their misjudgment. Conscience stricken, I offer the seat as soon as a much older person gets in. Then I see everyone in the train gets relief. Yup, everybody there is affected.

Sometimes, it's difficult to accept help from others if you think doing it shows your weakness--or eats up something from your manhood, adulthood, seniority or profession. But actually, it only shows how you need to be released from some wrong thinking. Lots of folks need to be set free from this. It's perfectly all right to accept help, and do so cheerfully with gratitude. Today, I still rarely ask help from people, but when they offer it, I humbly and gratefully accept.

Don't join the busy world that has lost all ability to relax and be less busy. The way to live a full life and yet be really productive is to be LESS BUSY. It gives you relaxation, better mind and body health, better life perspective and more meaningful accomplishments in life. 

Find out about it more in my ebook here.

In fact, it's manly to allow others get a chance at honor by helping you. It's great to be a stepping stone to their feeling of heroism and usefulness. Some folks say people offering me their seats is a sign it's time I dye my hair black. What? And forfeit myself of the opportunity to lift others up? No way. And besides, that will just be added expense on my part. If I don't allow them that, where would they step on to get to the next stepping stone?