I just scolded a stray cat without being angry at him. I have come to like this cat who often hangs out beside our front porch watching over us, especially at night. I feed him and call him Dr. Strange (the cat's a nonjoiner like me). Scolding often does involve anger but it doesn't have to. You may scold without anger. And I think Dr. Strange knows it. He keeps coming back and liking us. [Photo above from Fu Yong Hua, Unsplash].
It's vital in parenting. You should "master" scolding your kids often without getting angry. Yeah, I show my kids I'm quite serious when I scold them--even raise my voice in the process--but there's no anger inside me. And my kids know it. They get warned and yet feel free to approach me, even right after my scolding. However, they know it when I get really angry, and it's what they try hard to avoid triggering in me.
Seldom get angry. Especially, don't let your kids get used to seeing you angry. Familiarity often breeds contempt. Sooner or later you'd see yourself contemptuously ignored. It's something like how people living near busy and noisy highways don't seem to get bothered by them anymore. While you do because you're not used to it. It's also why some people still get run over by trains even if approaching trains make loud noises. They're used to the noise and don't pay attention.
Remember, man's anger does not bring about God's righteousness, says James. Do get angry but only for a moment--make sure its gone sometime before the sun sets. Frequent anger does not instill fear in your children. It builds scorn and disrespect. So how do you make your kids fear you? Simple--show them an exemplary life--a righteous life. Especially you, dad.
 |
| A delicious all-natural health treat. P480 per 330 ml bottle plus delivery charge. Email me at trenzcorp@gmail.com to order. |
And partly, they know how tough I am. I'm a 5th dan blackbelt in Filipino martial arts streefighting and a member of Tau Gamma Phi where I was recruited as a solo batch, with the alias "Cobra." It does so much for kids' respect when they know their dad is really tough but also kind, meek, quiet, gentle and very patient--seldom gets angry. I attribute it to God's mysterious enabling grace.
Yup, it's all by grace.
And it's powerfully possible to get angry without hatred. This is what a lot of people do not understand. They think anger is hatred, so they believe getting angry is bad. It isn't. In fact, God told us to get angry. "Be angry and sin not," says Ephesians 4.26. You see those two words? BE ANGRY. Because you often need to. And it's not bad because God allows you to. I get angry a lot of times. Often, I rather not show it (and just talk it off alone with God), but sometimes I do.
It only becomes bad if it's tied up to two things--hatred and ego.
Hatred is wrath and extreme, often intending ill will, like harm, punishment or death. Don't let your anger go that far. Often, prolonged anger gets a foothold and grows in you, mutating into hatred, so God warns us not to let it stay till sunset. So you have 24 hours to stay angry, more or less (hehe). But if you stay angry, then overstress comes and a deadly chemical reaction happens in your body, increasing free radicals and weakening your immune system. Then you get so sick. You also get cranky and rotten.
But mind you--hatred is not always bad. God himself "hates all who do wrong." [Psalm 5.5]. He hated Esau but loved Jacob even when they hadn't done anything good or bad. I call this holy hatred or wrath--the kind that does not intend harm, punishment or death but extreme warning. But God can also inflict punishment or death. God is love but he can also hate--because his hate is his love. So God sends the wicked to hell because he loves them. He didn't put them there because he loved to. He put them there because it had been their wish all along. They loved sin and hated repentance so God (in his love) gave them what they wanted.
This is also why sometimes you find yourself hating the wicked and arrogant though you live a righteous life--and you get confused. So you try to deny the feeling and claim you're just angry with them, not really hate them. But deep inside there's hatred and you wonder why. Then you try to repent secretly, but it just wouldn't go away.
You know why? Because it's holy hatred. It's supposed to be there. Holy hatred is really love. And God allows it so you can translate the wrath he feels for mortal men who understand nothing of God and his spiritual realms. All they understand is the flesh. So you demo God's hatred to them. But you should be careful not to abuse it and express the world's hatred instead. There should be love.
A lot of anointed men of God abuse this and go all out hating sinners. The worse thing is, they claim it's sin they hate, not the sinner. So they end up lying. At times you hate just the sin, at times you hate both sin and sinner. Be sure you're led by the Holy Spirit in this, not led by your flesh. And it's easy to know if you're merely led by your flesh--there's a hurt ego in you. A hurt spoiled brat. I hate spoiled brats like that and I never join them in spirit. I'm a nonjoiner.
Consider these passages below. Righteousness can make you hate wrong and also the people who do wrong:
To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech. [Proverbs 8.13]Again, this does not mean hatred as the world hates--or even anger as the world gets angry. Remember, man's anger (which is also how the world gets angry--with a hurt ego) does not result to God's righteousness. It should be God's anger and hatred. Jonah hated Nineveh and wanted God to destroy it. God did not get angry with him--HE simply explained why HE needed to give Nineveh a second chance. What Jonah had was God's wrath, but God helped him balance it with love. So he preached and told Nineveh to repent or else get destroyed in 40 days.
I hate those who regard vain idols, But I trust in the LORD. [Psalm 31.6]
I behold the treacherous and loathe them, because they do not keep Your word. [Psalm 119.158]
Do I not hate those who hate You, O LORD? And do I not loathe those who rise up against You? I hate them with the utmost hatred; They have become my enemies. [Psalm 139.21-22]
That's God's hatred with love. If they hadn't repented, God would've destroyed them in his wrath.
