Social Mindset that Secures Your Space

How do you think and behave when you're with other people, especially those you're not comfortable or don't agree with? Is it right to adjust yourself to them? Should you remain yourself even if it means conflict? Or should you simply leave and go scot free? I'd love the last option, but I also do not want to develop escapism. Facing challenges strengthen your social mindset. And you? What would you do?

Photo by kylie De Guia on Unsplash.

The right thing is to do all three above, to my mind at least, because it always does the trick. Through my career and ministry years, I've come so familiar using all three. A little adjustment here and there, remaining yourself, and then getting out of there ASAP. It works for me, and may work for you, too. Who knows? So listen up. 

Mindset

In case you're not aware, you need a firm mindset when dealing with people. Most young people do not have this yet so they simply tag along and ride every wave of opinion or fad. They think there's always strength or assurance in numbers. So they often follow others' rules and standards. And a lot of predators love this. Predators or "lecturers" as I call them, love people easy to control and dictate to, or mindless followers.

So I've developed my social mindset since I was in high school when I attended evening classes in a public school and met a lot of thugs, bullies, crooks, gangs and hoodlums in the vicinity. Even real killers in college. But I beware especially predators who intrude into private lives to impose their rules and standards. They kill your potentials. 

Click here for more info on the e-book above.

Much later in college, as a working student and out of college doing full-time jobs, I learned that life in general is like my evening class high school days--full of thugs and bullies. Yeah, even in church when I started pastoring. But through it all I managed to survive well, even comfortably, especially when I learned about people, human behavior, frailties, foibles and idiosyncrasies,  personalities, and social mindsets. Knowing what real life is all about.

Believe me, it's a battle of social mindsets out there. It's what life in this world is basically. If you don't develop a strong social mindset and use it to face the world, you'd become people's slave, especially those fond of controlling people. They're everywhere. They're social hunters preying on the weak and gullible with their "good intentions."

A mindset is an established set of attitudes (or a system of thinking and responding) you have assumed and developed and keep on improving as you learn from mistakes and gain maturity in life. You have to decide on one, derived from your self-realization, experiences and constant learning. It's something you acquire or assume, not imposed by somebody or anything. Most especially, it's God's design for you. If you seek him with all your heart, he'll show you the social mindset fit for you. I'm 100 percent sure. 

Adjusting Yourself

First off, this is NOT about compromise. I hate compromise, though in certain conditions it happens. I let it happen if it does not compromise my principles. Is that possible? Yup. When you have learned a lot about facts of life like I have, you'd know. It comes with wisdom, seeing how this life is not about you but about God. But that's for another blog post.

It's something like this--if you're inside a crowded train and someone outside squeezes himself in, sometimes you need to consider him and adjust a little so he'd fit in. Part of caring for others. Did you surrender your space to him? Nope. You're still in the train, but (in your mercy) you just considered his plight. God has mercy on the merciful. The guy may badly need to beat a deadline or something. You never know. So, consider. Adjust. Often, genuine maturity is flexibility, not rigidity.

Often, genuine maturity is flexibility, not rigidity.

During conflicts or relational frictions the same may be true. Often, just a little fine tuning is all it needs. Temporary small changes or considerations. It's something like what the bible says about "considering others better than yourself." Something like Jesus' selflessness, like when he allowed some elders to convince him to help the centurion.

The elders pleaded, “He is worthy to have you do this for him, 5 for he loves our nation, and he is the one who built us our synagogue.” 6 And Jesus went with them. [Luke 7]

Remaining Yourself

As you adjust a bit, make sure to remain yourself, too. Intact. The minimal change is just temporary. Never lose yourself to people, particularly manipulators. To do this, you often need to be tough, even look mean and intimidating, the look that says, "I'm nice and kind but don't push it. I'm a bad enemy." Not exactly but something like that. Because a lot of fools out there won't know their limit if you don't set it for them. They're bound to eat your arms if you allow them your finger. My martial arts and streetfighting training have saved me lots of times from them.

Jesus said the strong man is hard to conquer unless someone stronger dispossesses him of his "whole armor" in which he trusted. That says a lot about social mindsets. [Luke 11]

But an exception is when the Lord leads you to closely follow a discipler in a discipleship as that discipler also closely follows and imitates Jesus Christ. You submit to him but again make sure your individuality remains intact. Only the Holy Spirit has the right to change people who submit their wills and lives to him. A mature discipler will be aware of social mindsets and private spaces and respect them. But again, that's a different story. 

You have to guard your self, your individuality (the one God wants for you), because many will try to dismantle it and impose their own, thinking they are duty-bound to do it. Believe me, many people are greedy manipulators and control maniacs, often without realizing it. But sadly sometimes, you need to adjust a little bit even for them. But just a little bit. You need to remain yourself. You will learn the perfect balance as you mature in life.

Just Leave

The last one is my favorite. Just leave. After you become a bit considerate but keeping your individuality intact, just go. You can pass through danger zones but there's no reason to stay. And when I say "leave" it may mean physically or mentally--or both. It's so easy to leave the scene physically and disappear. But in real life, you're bound to cross paths again. So you should learn to leave mentally and emotionally more than physically. Moreover, there are people who leave social predators physically but remain their slaves mentally and emotionally. 

Better yet, train how to leave predators and manipulators spiritually.

Implied

Often, a social mindset is implied. You don't announce to people your life rules, behavior, likes and dislikes, preferences or response. You project it through your person and daily dealings. So you need to always be your true self. As you interact with people, they see your unique character and person. Then they adjust accordingly, and vice versa. You also need to adjust to respect others' privacy and person. Thus, a lot of times, you need to show firmness, boldness and toughness (even meanness) especially to those who'd go overboard and try to control you. 

In my case, my real self is jolly, joking and cool, but I'm also often quiet and simply listening. I never put myself forward or make myself conspicuous. I'd rather be in the backdrop. A follower. But through martial arts training I "take charge" of things of my personal concern, and I can be rudely frank and honest, sometimes naturally looking mean, intimidating and alert, though relaxed and tame. People see this and act towards me with precaution, even supposedly tough people. Bad people feel my stares and have second thoughts. This is the effect of my social mindset. It's vital for survival. It's always a jungle out there.