When to Think Independently and When to Seek Advice

Photo by Frame Harirak on Unsplash.

Beware of falling into either of two extremes--being too independent or too dependent. And lots of folks find difficulty balancing the two, even supposedly mature people, and it hurts their social life. And often, I understand their predicament because they've fallen victim to social predators many times over, getting them confused how to face up against the vicissitudes in life.

And it's sometimes confusing. If you refuse to listen to unsolicited advices (which many are fond of giving), they say you're too proud or arrogant. If you seek advice, they say you're weak and gullible. People who tell you these things seek to control you. So don't pay attention to what they say. Mind you, they often make up the majority, so they sound convincing.

You Decide

The proper safeguard here is to learn to decide when, and then decide. It's okay to think independently and also seek advice. You can do both or choose one at a time. But here's the thing--choose only the right person to get advice from. Make sure he or she is qualified. A lot of folks out there love to give the "right" advice or lecture but they're mostly unqualified--or disqualified.

Being a non-joiner doesn't always mean you do things completely by yourself. What's important is you don't join just anything or anyone. In fact, you very, very seldom do. Like church. I'm a non-joiner when it comes to local church membership. Often (not always), there are lots of social predators there. But I listen carefully to anointed men of God, those who rely solely on the Holy Spirit. And I fellowship closely with believers who genuinely take God's Word in the bible seriously. I stay away from religious bible wielders who know nothing but human theology. I never seek their advice.

Anyway, seek qualified people who'd speak to your life (who won't dictate or give unsolicited opinions), see how their ideas minister to you, weigh things carefully, and then decide--either to take the advice or not. The principle here is, seek advice but think independently in the end. 

The principle here is, seek advice but think independently in the end. 

As a rule, I make myself solely dependent on GOD alone--his Word in the bible and the leading of his Holy Spirit. Lots of times you don't need anybody's advice, even the sage or anointed servants of God. They're also only humans. They may err or miss what God is really saying. God will speak to you concerning your private life if you just accurately tune in to his spiritual frequencies.

Seek the Qualified

Anyway, the same goes with business, career, health, marriage, relationships or other matters. I seek proper advice only from people really qualified on the matter and trash all the others. I don't need garbage, no matter how well or sincerely packaged. And when I say "qualified," I don't mean titles and degrees or position. I don't mean the doctors or those with masters degrees, although doctors are sometimes worth listening to. I do. 

What I mean by "qualified" are those with real personal experience and manage to succeed. Again, when I say "succeed," I don't mean recognitions or awards or financial status or audience applause. I mean how the person fares vis-a-vis God's standards of success in the bible. 

For instance, Jesus was a total success in God's eyes even if his disciples abandoned him, people rejected and crucified him, and he didn't look moneyed or big-time. Jesus is qualified big-time to me, and other people similarly qualified. In business, for instance, I'd rather seek advice from those who have been molded well in character and attitude than those who became millionaires, though meek millionaires are always welcome. I'm so particular about humility, especially.

Mentoring and Coaching

Mentorship and coaching have become popular activities offered to fledgling business aspirants. They're good, except when people begin to idolize mentors or coaches and take their every word as bible truth. Sometimes, my co-trainees tell me, "Why are you doing that? Coach so-and-so told us not to do that." What do I care about what a coach says. I listen, but I make the final decision, especially when I want to experiment or try it differently to fit my satisfaction. 

Because to me, my satisfaction comes first with what I do. I want to be happy. A lot of mentors say, blogging or e-book writing is not about you but about your readers. Yeah, I get that perfectly. But I don't treat that as bible truth, no matter if the richest and greatest blogger said it. It's good to make big money with what you do, but it's much better to do what you really need to do, what God has called you to do. No big money can beat that, if you know what I mean.

I respect mentors, coaches, disciplers and pastors, but I realize they're humans and many of them susceptible to ego-tripping. Mentors and coaches with swelling egos will abuse the deference given them and dictate what's true and false, deciding things for their captive listeners, to the extent that any ideas contrary to what they say are wrong. There are wrong concepts and ideas, but these things are subjective.

And regardless of their success and big money, some "successful" mentors and coaches still sell expensive "help" products to their trainees. I see it happening almost every time, starting with a "free" webinar that serves only to lure participants but give no substantial info, and then make it appear that the succeeding costly webinars are a must. "If you're serious with this business, this cost shouldn't be a problem to you," they'd say something like that. 

Granted. Good marketing includes a lure in the form of freebies, like the taste tests food companies do in mall grocery stores. But the hotdogs or bacons you'd buy are reasonably priced. But a hotdog brand that costs P5k a pack? It's something like that with some webinars or digital product. Simply ridiculous.

So I make it a point to choose who I'm listening to, when to seek advice and always think and decide independently. I won't let anybody run my life, especially mentors who go too far and decide everything for the trainee--because they're not aware of social limits. And then make big money out of that. Making big money is good but if you're making really big money already and your trainees are yet struggling for what initial little success they can make, why milk them?

I understand the idea of putting value into something by jacking up the price, but online coaching from P50 to P70k? I don't care how they explain that, it's pure greed.

But I also see good coaching where trainees are guided on what best things to do but leave the trainee with the final decision, especially how he'd do things on his own. And those selling affordable help products within reach of struggling beginners. These mentors show their concern for struggling newbies. I really appreciate these guys. God bless them more.

And yet, even with them, I think independently.