Belittling Good Qualities You See in Others

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Kids naturally envy other kids who have what they don't, but which they covet. So when we were kids we'd console ourselves by saying we don't like the toys others have but we which we really secretly desired. That way we didn't feel so bad about it.

I never received any award, trophy or honor in school. Almost all my classmates did. In grade school, they all got honors and top in this and that. But I was "Best Cook." Imagine how my mom looked like pinning the ribbon on me. But I could tell she still loved me, anyway. Best cook, while my classmates were best in English, Math, Science, Language, Economics, etc. Have you ever heard of an award like that during graduation? "Best cook"? Obviously they just made that up to just to give me something so wouldn't feel bad. I felt bad, but later, I told myself I didn't need awards anyway.

Same with girlfriends when I was in high school and college. My friends all had GFs to brag about while I busied myself with gardening and karate. Outwardly, I acted like I was not interested and found romantic relationships awkward. But inside, I wished I had a girlfriend, too. But later I consoled myself by thinking I didn't need it anyway.

Well, fortunately I overcame that feeling with material things early in life. In 1972 martial law was declared and my parents had to tighten their belts to make ends meet. That's when I learned to be content with what little money and material possessions I had and not to covet what others had. During recess, all my classmates ate grand snacks while I had to content myself with whatever my P10.00 could afford.

It's different now. I don't care much about what I do not have. Well, I need a lot of things, but I can live comfortably with much of my wants lacking. Even with things like success and status. I'm quite comfy with being average, sometimes even below that. You can be happy with that if you're a nonjoiner. I can honestly appreciate good qualities in others without the tendency to belittle them just because I don't possess them. But sadly, I see that attitude around me countless times among supposedly mature people.

When they see qualities in you which they lack, they tend to belittle them, or even scorn them. Except if they see how your good qualities or talent can help them and if, in fact, you're willing to lend a hand. But they won't appreciate it if it just makes you look better. I don't intend to look better than others, but sometimes you'd find that you have something in you that makes you a bit better.

So what I do is keep mum. I'm not in the habit of showing off and telling others about myself. In meetings, I prefer to be the silent listener. I stay away or hide when they need to vote for a leader. I let others have their way. I want a quiet life. I have enough stress already as it is. I'm quite content being in the background support.

I'd rather listen to others tell how great they are do the same for myself or be in competition with them. But sometimes it pains the ears to always hear them talk like that. But what can you do? I can choose to be rude and show my irritation, but I rather not. You do that and you just prove that you're a joiner. Just listen patiently and sincerely while staying out of the contest because that makes you a genuine nonjoiner.